Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Missed all the banter on Guido's Live PMQs? Can't be arsed to trawl through pages of the windowlicking scribblings of the demented? Want to see the highlights in one easy to digest posting?

Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Ashcroft: The Cause And Solutions To All Liebour's Problems Version

What's For Lunch Carlos?

Carlos: BoG, I have no plans today, so can be open to suggestions!

Beware of Geeks: Carlos - how about a nice fresh tuna salad for the bright spring weather?

Carlos: Nicoise, BoG? That could work.

Dick Scratcher: Carlos - what about Bully Beef?

Beware of Geeks: Nicoise it is Carlos!

Carlos: Nomnomnomnom

John Ward: Salade Nicoise is great, if done properly!

.243 Win: Carlos : Calamari, olive oil chili + smoked garlic. Hunk of fresh bread and large glass of tempranillo.

Carlos: I know what to have for lunch! Ashcroft! The answer to everything!

Theresa May Spacesuit Watch

The IMF is coming: No diving suit

Steve Expat: Theresa forgot the space suit today

The IMF is coming: Theresa in dry suit today

Beware of Geeks: Aaah, no spacesuit! Please Theresa bring it next time, just in case for explosive decompression in the HoC

Labour Parody of the Week

Proud to be Labour: Only Labour can look after our forces. We will do this by allying our military with the French.

Best Line of the Week

John Ward: The only Courage Brown knows is a pint of bitter...

Highlights

Macintyres Unpaid Intern: The bloke sitting behind Gordon is trying to hide an erection with his order papers.

Roger Thornhill: Is Straw forced to wear a yellow star these days? Geez, I know Labour are fascists but that is taking it too far.

.243 Win: McDoom already on the back foot and stuttering. The great fisting clunk in action...

Dick Scratcher: Is Straw wearing his gay pride badge?

Tuscan Tony: Is the yellow thing on Straw's jacket a packet of Termazepam?

JULIAN BRAY NAE SNATCH: LOW VOICE DUCET TOMES , MEDIA TRAINING KICKING IN

Beware of Geeks: Definately been given media training again - gravitas, "Churchilian", keeps mentioning the war

mort: sarah likes clunking fisting

Roger Thornhill: Dignity is absent from this Cabinet.

Steve Expat: I'm sure the four sets of parents are so happy that Gordon is bolting the door after the horse has bolted

Tom FD: Brown smirks at reference to Chilcott

Stepney: Chilcot - the musical

Govt-By-Cluster-Fuck: Ohhhhh, bout time Dave showed some fire

Carlos: Superb, Cameron. Superb!

g1lgam3sh: Get him...go on Dave kick the fuckers

Roger Thornhill: Fillet him, Dave

John Ward: "Common cos"? Isn't that a kind of lettuce?

Roger Thornhill: UP YOUR R's more like

Throbber: so its the commanders fault eh? you lowlife piece of shit

Steve Expat: Go for him Dave - that was disgraceful from Brown

Cath: oh - blaming the commanders again. Dispicable!!

PSB Custard: Fight, fight, fight!

Dick Scratcher: Harman needs a biatch slap

John Ward: The only Courage Brown knows is a pint of bitter...

WoaR: Some of Cameron's friends have died, Brown's have been hiding.

Throbber: harman has her joy balls in again

Guido Fawkes: We only need one bullet.

New Labour bankrupted UK: A rise just to buy ammo is NOT a rise in spending

Donald and Davey Stott: think Darling wins the Greg Stone Award for tie of the week

BristolDave: Ainsworth looks like a kiddy fiddler

Milf Watch: May's tits hanging down like roof tiler's nailbags

Mitch: troops into Ashcroft - he really is a disgrace

Should_Be_Working: Q: How are you today Prime Minister? A: Ashcroft

Should_Be_Working: Q: Would you like a cup of tea Prime Minister? A: Ashcroft

Should_Be_Working: Q: Is that Nokia in your pocket Prime Minister, or...? A: Ashcroft

Guido Fawkes: Loving Punch and Judy

Govt-By-Cluster-Fuck: Best answer yet.

Guido Fawkes: Squeaker squeaking

PSB Custard: Bercow's gonna pop like a teenager's zits

.243 Win: Bercow. About as useful as a washable paper condom.

John Ward: Hasn't he Twigg-ed it yet?

Cath: WTF - he really is living in his own world.

Beware of Geeks: Is that the sound of an Ashcroft barrel being scraped?

Dr Baombastic: would that plant from Wigan be an Aspidistra?

Ghost of Greg Stone: Foot was great - I loved his 1983 Manifesto

BristolDave: "Facts" = Tractor Stats

PSB Custard: Tough on Ashcroft, tough on the causes of Ashcroft.

John Ward: "Mums Nest"?

Rog: Fucking swamp pig.

Beware of Geeks: International Womens Day? Get in the utility room - these shirts won't iron themselves you know!

Dick Scratcher: What about 'Ipaytoomuchfuckingtaxnet' ?

Tuscan Tony: Four people in a snatch - sounds like a wild party, Gord.

obangobang: He's learned lessons. 200+ soldiers have died. How's that for an education budget?

Ghost of Greg Stone: If Ashcroft had paid his taxes we could have afforded a tank for every soldier?

The IMF is coming: It's official: Margaret Thatcher has been absolved of any blame. It is all Ashcroft's fault

Should_Be_Working: Replace snatch? So the rumours are true Gordon?!

Tuscan Tony: Buy May stiffs?

Tuscan Tony: Foot was a patriot - of the Soviet Union.

Tom FD: gordon's not a patriot he's just patronising

Beware of Geeks: Jeez, how many pies has he put on expenses?

Tuscan Tony: Emissions framework: wooden rack for turkey basters?

Guido Fawkes: RIGHT THING TO DO!

Desperado: Widders looking foxy today. Dirty bitch.

Roger Thornhill: Spending on salaries is not "investment" you moron

Rog: Brown loves a bit of Fisting Stimulus.

Tuscan Tony: How much nmore fistal stimulus can his sphincter take?

Guido Fawkes: Surprise she is asking a question related to Europe.

Beware of Geeks: Oh get on with it you wig wearing tosser...

Roger Thornhill: The land that Tie forgot

Ollie Cromwell: He should support the BBC - The BBC clearly support him.

Beware of Geeks: Oh they're worried about the Tories getting rid of the Labour suporting BBC - GOOD! Cos the BBC should go and it will - as I don't pay my licence anyway

Guido Fawkes: Sod the Beeb, ooh what has Brillo got to say...

Dwarf Watcher: Who's the swarthy rocking homunculus next to Tessa Jowell?

JULIAN BRAY NAE SNATCH: Abbott ale now being consumed hail mary

John Ward: Is that Diane Abbott ale?