Thursday, 25 November 2010

Guido's PMQs LiveChat: Miliback Edition

Thanks to Guido for hosting today's LiveChat where the window lickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs.

Apologies for the delay, fellow WindowLickers - unfortunately work commitments reared their ugly head again.

Once again big thanks to Dick Scratcher for Pantone Watch - this time a Hain Pantone Reference : 815A (Spaghettied Baby) !

John Ward wins the Best Line of the Day with:

"He's a real nowhere man, sitting in his Labour land, making all his no-good plans, for Socialists"...

Here are the highlights:

Dick Scratcher-Tebbitite: Houston…we have an arse hole

Billybob: Egg Milibund

Beware of Geeks: I've just made a 3D porn movie - that's one in the eye for the censors.

Dick Scratcher-Tebbitite: f*** off Vicks Sinex

Urban Tory: as if Ed is going on about sport, he was always picked last

Sarf of the River: Clegg affecting a rather smug bastard look

Dick Scratcher-Tebbitite: Red Ed = Adenoid android

Beware of Geeks: My ginger neighbour brought a hot bird home last night. Or Nando's as it's better known.

torybear: RT @joncraig: Theresa May has just poured the PM a glass of water. How loyal is that?Allo, allo! I will say zis only once!

John Ward: Blankety-blank page in Labour's policy eh? Wogan would be proud...

Billybob: Sweaty sock again !!

TimMontgomerie: Ken Clarke looking smug behind Cameron as the PM is asked by Bill Cash why govt hasn't repatriated powers from EU

John Ward: Yes, Ed's back - which is far less unattractive than Ed's front!

Sarf of the River: is my telly on the blink, it's gone all hithy

John Ward: The biggest bust? Is that the Maggie Thatcher one in CCHQ?

Rog: Is Ed actually transgendering as we watch? His voice is the giveaway.

John Ward: "He's a real nowhere man, sitting in his Labour land, making all his no-good plans, for Socialists"...

Dick Scratcher: LATEST: Al Megrahi’s penile warts have just died.

Dorian Smith: hattie's got a great moustache

Urban Tory: where does Vaz sit now?

Beware of Geeks: @Urban Tory - in a pot of Vaz-oline

Dick Scratcher: Berger - ding dong

Hugh Jardon: how much would you like to jizz all over her shakers??

Tuscan Tony: Bring Nigeria into the EU, send the British workshy there

Urban Tory: Liz Truss woof woof

Dick Scratcher: Liz Truss wants it this aft - on the desk

Monday, 22 November 2010

BBC In Need

I see from Grumpy Old Twat's stonking blog that the Beeb's hand-washingly cringing Children In Need is back and in an orgy of pandering to their sacred gods Politicus and Correcticus, they have spawned another obsequious looking idol for worship - a girl bear called Blush. And she's not yellow. No siree, she's a brown bear so we can all hold hands and celebrate our new found friend, in the name of allah diversity.

Well, to continue in that theme and to offer, royalty free, a further boost to their franchise, your humble Geeks presents the following to the BBC: Talibear!

Wednesday, 17 November 2010

Guido's PMQs LiveChat: Harman AGAIN Edition

Thanks to Guido for hosting today's LiveChat where the window lickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs. Another dull one again today with the Labour second-in-command, Harman sparring with Dave.  I say sparring, having been briefed by Ed Balls to use up all her questions on an attack over police cuts.

No Pantone reference today although Dick Scratcher, Tuscan Tony, John Ward and JULIAN BRAY ROYAL RANTZ noticed that Harman's Giraffe Skin Safari Suit is back.

Disco Biscuit and Guido spotted Gordon Henderson's bad choice of attire: a clashing yellow tie on a dark blue shirt while Urban Tory inquired whether Clegg's green tie was bought from the House of Commons shop?

Worst Pun of the Week award goes to John Ward with:

Is he offering a breath of fresh Ayr?

Here are the highlights:

Dick Scratcher: Is Red Ed a panda that CMD brought back from China?

Steve Miliband: You're so vain, you probably think this PMQ's is about you...

Beware of Geeks: Can I be the first to say: Kate Middleton, the first person to squeeze into Princess Diana's ring since Dodi Al Fayed.

Steve Miliband: Kate Middleclasston

Beware of Geeks: If I were Kate Middleton I'd take that bloody ring to Mount Doom.

Dick Scratcher: Alan Johnston doing Old Man Steptoe impression

Headsonpoles: Harperson starting to go up a few octaves - dolphins of the world beware

frig: "she sounds like a schoolmistress now" that makes me horny

Urban Tory: She is out of her depth, leave PMQs to the Men luv

Dick Scratcher: F*** off you frying pan faced hag

John Ward: Alan Johnson: from postman to Home Sec to Shadow Chancellor...

Tom FD: maybe there should be a Brillo-in-PMQs drinking game

torybear: Notice Dave has started taking notes to PMQs. Didn't used to

Dick Scratcher: Mandy likes night sticks

the last quango in paris: a lot of grey hair on the labour front bench

Sarf of the River: is the beast of bolsover letting one out silently?

Having a Giraffe Harman: Put a load of IT Geeks in Riot Gear and give them Tazers. Brill !!

Mitch and Murray: I want YAB to commit adultery in front of an Iranian crowd

Llew: Wind your neck back in Harpie, just because you look like one....

Dick Scratcher: New police commisioners: "Squeal like a pig fat boy"

Rats arse: Look at the Labour front bench - faces like smacked arses

Secret Lemonade Drinker: Bercow, shut up, you jumped up little dwarf.

guidofawkes: Chamber just went "whoooooo" taking the mick out of Squeaker slapping down next questioner. Did Bercow get out of the bed on the wrong side?

Headsonpoles: Which dwarf is Bercow playing in pantomime this year?

Dick Scratcher: Short money = Bercow's salary

Disco Biscuit: Who is the little midget who keeps standing up and shouting at people?

Emily Maitlis: I'm now so old my pussy is haunted.

Tuscan Tony: Priti good.

John Ward: Is he offering a breath of fresh Ayr?

Sarf of the River: Coulson should tell Dave he needs some botox

Beware of Geeks: Apparently its not the weather thats caused the flooding in Cornwall. Big Kat Slater's waters have broken, thats all.

John Ward: I suspect Sally Bercow has been working on the Speaker this morning, or perhaps yesterday evening.

Dick the Prick: Stretchy midwives?

Dick Scratcher: That's not all thats stretched to breaking point...

Dick Scratcher: LATEST: Al Megrahi’s knob cheese has just died.

Dick Scratcher: Jordan = new silicon valley

the last quango in paris: bloody hell is there not a mobile hairdresser who can go around labour hq?

Dick Scratcher: Ken Clarke "Mmmm soldiers...with a bit of pepper"

Dick the Prick: Which bogs does Angela Eagle use?

Tuscan Tony: DtP: Angela uses a bush.

John Ward: Tony Lloyd's hair shows he's been playing with a Van der Graaf generator...

TheAngloSaxon: "CARRY ON BERCOW"

Tuscan Tony: Wasn't Tony Lloyd married to Chris Evert a while back?

John Ward: Prescott-land is Hull on earth!

Wednesday, 10 November 2010

Guido's PMQs LiveChat: Harman Again Edition

Thanks to Guido for hosting today's LiveChat where the window lickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs. Another dull one again today with the second-in-commands, Harman getting the advantage with the reneging on the tutition deal by the LibDems but Cleggy found his voice and fought back towards the end.  A total of 12 questions were directed by Labour MPs to Clegg about the tuition fees - initially an effective attack but by the end it was as stale as one of MacMental's deliveries.

No Pantone reference today although Dorian Smith and who you gonna call? PORKB both noticed that Bercow's tie was "a disgrace" and "a tie from hell".  ChristianJMay maintained the tie theme and rebuked the antagonistic Bercow by saying "I'll tell you what the public disapprove of, Bercow, THAT tie".

Best Line of the Week goes to newcomer ChristianJMay with a comment on the unusual "danglers" (as John Ward said) surrounding Harman's neck:

What's that thing round Harman's neck? Looks like she fell into a box of Xmas decorations

An additional mention and a proposed new category: Worst Pun of the Week goes to John Ward for:

John Ward: Gavin isn't one of the "movers and Shukers", clearly!
Here are the highlights:
Guido Fawkes: Morning Windowlickers

Hugh Jardon: I prefer tuppence licking..

Spank Sinatra: Tongues out & bottoms up etc

Beware of Geeks: Lick lick lick lick lick lick lick.... mmmmm this Windows 7 is tasty

Spank Sinatra: Morning Geeky - you've found my hard disk?

Beware of Geeks: I've just formatted it with my tongue - should be better now

Dick Scratcher: Harman in Wonderbra again

John Ward: I still miss the giraffe outfit...

Spank Sinatra: Not more anal beads ffs!

Billy Blofeld: Will Dromey be waving his order papers at her every utterance?

Beware of Geeks: Lot's of clicking on the iPlayer - anyone else getting that, or is it simply Harman's lizard tail striking the benches?

ChristianJMay: What's that thing round Harman's neck? Looks like she fell into a box of Xmas decorations

Dick Scratcher: Shut up you moon faced cow - just cos you dropped your knickers for Dromey

C4politics: Harman joke - we all know that in Freshers Week you meet a dodgy bloke and you do things you regret - comparing the coalition

Dick Scratcher: Ken Clarke has eaten Eric Pickles

William Hague: I'm wearing the yellow silk tie that Chris gave me

Sres: Don't make Clegg angry, you won't like him when he's angry

Beware of Geeks: I'd like to see Harman in a bikini to be honest - does that make me a possible recipient for medical care in the community?

Dick the Prick: @BoG - yes, ofcourse

John Ward: I am still trying to work out what those danglers are around Harman's neck. Even in close-up I can't see what they are, except weird!

John Ward: Perhaps next time, perhaps in early December, Harman's Xmas decorations necklace with include flashing mutli-coloured lights...

Dick Scratcher: Jack Dromey likes a sausage sandwich...don't blame him really looking at those

Dick Scratcher: Mmmm...dumping on students...mmmmm.

Dick Scratcher: Hammond doing his Rolf Harris sketch

Gordon Brown: Buy my book Beyond the Crash at all good book stores for Xmas. Read it and weep. It's the right thing to do.

Yardarm: Hague not in China because Cameron worried about sharing a hotel room with him.

Hugh Jardon: um bongo anyone?

Dick the Prick: @HJ - hee hee

Dick Scratcher: G Young has just finished painting the Cistine Chapel

Beware of Geeks: What is it with the mention of Sheffield Forgemasters all the time?

jack: "What is it with the mention of Sheffield Forgemasters all the time? " She loves a good hammering.

Spank Sinatra: Oooh - a mullet

Beware of Geeks: I won't take advice from a mullet

Billy Blofeld: Ha! Ha! @Beware of Geeks

Dick Scratcher: Shat it you slag! Is your dog as fit as a Butcher's Dog?

John Ward: Gavin isn't one of the "movers and Shukers", clearly!

Urban Tory: John, i would say you're better than that but i think i know better

John Ward: Ollie Ensure?

Dazza: Ollie Unsure?

Spank Sinatra: She practiced that with her knees behind her ears last night

Gordon Brown: Buy my book Beyond the Crash at all good bookstores.

Dick Scratcher: Farron's suit too big - mummy bought one he can grow in to

Dick Scratcher: Ephalump AGAIN

Spank Sinatra: She needs a barn

Hugh Jardon: it's a big 'un

John Ward: Has my TV switched aspect ratio?

Dick the Prick: Could camp out in her beef handbags

Billy Bowden: How many obese MPS are there ?????

John Ward: "Blenkinsop"? Good name for a Geordie - not!

Spank Sinatra: Nasty piece of work

genghiz the kahn: Prime minister's question time was brought to you by NUS monkeys.

Sres: That's one flat face

John Ward: Reminds me of the CGI Incredible Hulk's head, apart from not being green-coloured!

Thursday, 4 November 2010

If only Dragon's Den was really like this!

Wednesday, 3 November 2010

Guido's PMQs LiveChat: Entente Cordiale Edition

Thanks to Guido for hosting today's LiveChat where the window lickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs. Another dull one today with Dave getting a bit of a kicking from Red Ed with his private photographer gaff, which as Guido correctly tweeted, should have come out of CCHQ's budget.

Still, Red Ed was adenoidally challenged again, hee-hawing like a mule and Dave fought back a bit.

No Labour Parody Of The Week, Dick Scratcher gave Hain Pantone Reference of 817C (Syphiloid Bronze), Tiewatcher showed Peter Aldous leading on the ties so far but not much competition and Harmann was sporting a Ribena look today.

Bride of Chucky Doll Of The Week was the disgraced houseflipper Hazel Blears and according to Ollie Cromwell "Harriet's Ginger Rodent jibe at Danny Alexander must have hit Hazel hard" because she seemed to have adopted that dark crimson, tight curled Labour feminist look again.

The Best Line Of The Week goes to JULIAN BRAY GERCHA! with a topical:

Why is Mr Orange wearing a poppy? Wasn't he one of the Boers?

Guido signed off with a rather cryptic "In case I don't see you, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight". Let's hope it's another Wednesday drinkathon and not a Dr Kelly moment.

Here are the highlights - enjoy:

Daisy May: Is Harriet's Poppy big enough?

Dick Scratcher: Who's Nailin Pailin?

Alex in SW6: one lump or two out of Obama?

Billy Blofeld: Hain's orangeness makes his poppy look pale

John Ward: Updated name for Yemen: "Yo Man!"

Dick the Prick: Kids should just claim bankruptcy after college

gengiz the kahn: westoring twust in hith government.

gengiz the kahn: theffield, eathleigh

Dorian Smith: Does Ed have a cupboard full of purple ties, other colours are available you know

Secret Lemonade Drinker: What's Dave using, these days, to slicken his coiffure?

Beware of Geeks: Miliband-wagon - hehe

JULIAN BRAY GERCHA!: Why is Mr orange wearing a poppy? wasn't he one of the boars?

John Ward: Wee Dougie doesn't look very happy...

Dick the Prick: @JW - he's seen his sister

JULIAN BRAY GERCHA!: oooooh hand millibags....

gengiz the kahn: wealease wouldoff the wed nosed weigndeer.

JULIAN BRAY GERCHA!: cheese eating surrender monkey special

Rog: Dougie looks like a big pixie stole his fishing rod.

torybear: And a classic back from DC "spending less on replacing mobile phones at No10" Great cracks today from both sides

Old Holborn: If any more Bengali students feel the need to "get stabby" may I recommend Hazel Blears first?

Ghost of Greg Stone: Thought he preferred a wriggling boys club

Jolly Roger: Bring back Gordon. PMQs is no longer fun. Just plain boring.

gengiz the kahn: ginger rodent - salford sub species

Beware of Geeks: Christ on a ginger bike! Why has she reverted to early 90's ginger hairstyle!?!?!?!?!?

Old Holborn: she borrowed Charlie Chaplins hair

Ollie Cromwell: Harriets Ginger Rodent jibe at Danny Alexander must have hit Hazel hard

Old Holborn: Ikea want those curtains back

concrete pump: Blears is worried her hair doesn't match her minge anymore...

Secret Lemonade Drinker: Excellent. An immigration question.

Albania: **** off, we are here now

no longer anonymous: albania - can you wash my car for me?

Precious Umbongo: I am staying bwana

Bengali Student: I KIIIILLLLLL YOU!!!

Beware of Geeks: My ex has let herself go

Dick the Prick: @BoG - beggars can't be choosers

elsie tanner: In a prism, you can see all the colours of the rectum.

Dick Scratcher: Is it because I is back (bencher)

Dick Scratcher: He needs a good meal - battered Mars bar anyone?

Tom FD: deficit deniers, responsibility deniers

JULIAN BRAY GERCHA!: went to bbc studio to talk on security - driver was from Kashmir...

gengiz the kahn: red emma mP for bejing central.

Spank Sinatra: God - it's milly molly mandy again

Billy Blofeld: Andy Pandy with a minge more like..........

Dick Scratcher: Is Bagpuss dead?

no longer anonymous: bagpuss will never die

13eastie: CHippy geordie. Kev Maguire's dad?

torybear: Finally someone raises the disgusting rights to votes for prisoners. DC: "it makes me physically ill"

John Ward: I also agree! We need to stand up to the EU, and if necessary withdraw altogether.

Billy Blofeld: Buggering Schools For the Future.. it sounded like he said that anyway...

Beware of Geeks: Bercow: "I have a short statement to make" - I should say so

Jolly Roger: this mess left by Labour, is this why Sam cam had to makeover number 10 before she would move in?