Thursday, 31 March 2011

Pat Condell says "The Great Jesus Swindle"

Wednesday, 30 March 2011

Guido's PMQs Live Highlights: Wed Ed Edition

Thanks to Guido once again for hosting today's LiveChat where the windowlickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs.

Quite a good lively one today with "The Most Annoying Man In Modern Politics" (MAMIMP) getting his Ball's felt by Cameron, who was, as Beeboid progressive liberal and Tory Bear stalking victim, Laura Kuenssberg noted "...on rude form".


Tuscan Tony: Msht Shpkr


Dorian Smith: Hague's tie is like a Jimmy Saville gold lame jumpsuit

Crying into my milk: is it bloody awful tie day


Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone reference: 811G (Flat Tango)


Dick Scratcher: LATEST: Al Megrahi's remote control has just died

#Labour parody of the Week

BBC drone: Livingstone for Mayor!!!! Ed won BIG today at PMQ's viewers/listeners


John M Ward: All of Kerry's speeches are Labour-ious...


Steve Miliband: As BA said, sorry Mr Brown there's no economy left


Dorian Smith: I see love beads are trending, Teresa May's taken to them too

Beware of Geeks: ta! Andrew Pierce has borrowed my liver. But he's given it back to me and he's broken it

Dick Scratcher: BOG - Andrew Pierce uses it like a melon in a prison

Dorian Smith: UKUncat are more than handy with a Dundee cake from Fortnums, they don't need arms

Tuscan Tony: A well stocked Spad - just what Hague needs

Steve Miliband: Will Hello buy the rights to the wedding of the year

Dick Scratcher: Did Hague take her up the aisle?

Tuscan Tony: CHew-isshan

Dick Scratcher: Yvette needs a Wonderbra

joolzg: yvette needs a face

Tuscan Tony: Jimmy Savile sent my mum flowers when I was born.

Urban Tory: @TT is he your dad?

Tuscan Tony: If Leeds loses its childrens' unit Jimmy Savile will move away

Spank Sinatra: Cooper looks as though she's lost a pound and found a shilling

DonkeyDong: Oi Copper! My helmet is bigger than yours!

Tuscan Tony: Anyone read David Miliband's Twitter feed about his seed?

John M Ward: Halfon, half off...

Ed But Look Balls: I've got a semion not a halfon!!

Urban Tory: ooh the Derby telegraph, that last bastion of free speech

the last quango in paris: the speaker could do with standing on the shoulder of a suffragette

John M Ward: Crumbs! I am reminded of Box from "Logan's run" - little head atop mountainous body...

Beware of Geeks: Woof Woof subroutine - **** CRITICAL ERROR ****

Tuscan Tony: I hope she's well tethered.

John M Ward: Ming the um, er, something-less. probably memory-less by now...

Steve Miliband: Menzies Older than Ken?

Beware of Geeks: Ken Clarke: "Give up my... Oh, but my dear Ratty, this is my career. Surely, you can't mean it."

Tuscan Tony: Second lunch soon, Ken.

Tuscan Tony: Al Megrahi has already booked his spot at the Menzies Campbell funeral.

Tuscan Tony: He is the skeleton from the old SCotch Tapes lifetime guarantee ad.

Rog: Heidi is obviously no stranger to the dessert trolley.

Dorian Smith: Bingo wing watch +2

Tuscan Tony: Arms like salamis

John M Ward: Is Fiona Bruce related to Malcolm Bruce?

Dick Scratcher: @ JW - More like Lenny Bruce

Thursday, 24 March 2011

"If it gets nasty, get down to business"

From Counting Cats, another "I Want One Of Those" moments.

Guido's PMQs & Budget Live Highlights: What You Didn’t Read In The Papers

Thanks to Guido for hosting today's LiveChat where the windowlickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs.

It was a big one - over two hours of windowlicking goodness to trawl through hence the release today.

Ozzie had a frog in his throat for most of the budget speech and Red Ed's reply was simply pre-scripted drivel and there was a noticeable marked aggressive tone to the accompanied LiveChat comments.

Seeing Miliband yesterday was like watching a kid getting upset because mummy took his toys away for greedily gorging on all the family chocolates.

Although I am an equal opportunities windowlicker (I hate all the parties equally), I simply can't stand the hypocrisy of Labour blaming the Tories for the country's demise. From selling the gold at the bottom of the market, fiscal drag and the removal of the dividend tax credit on pensions, Gordon Brown and Labour have wrecked the economy. Fact.

But there they are, the little Orcs scampering around on the media, telling their lies to all the sheeple, criticising the Tories and all the while not one interviewer has said:

"But all this is your fault".


Tuscan Tony: Good filghodu, laghaq tieqa


Beware of Geeks: Purple tie for Ozzie, red for Cleggie, black for Cameron - George and Zippy would be proud


Dick Scratcher: Hain pantone reference: 815G (Blackpool subs bench)


Billy Bowden: Celeb watch: Gordon is not in the chamber


Steve Miliband: Al Magrahi survives Japanese Tsunami

Billy Bowden: Latest : al Marghrais toaster has died.

Tuscan Tony: Al Megrahi's Joshua tree's just died.

Dick Scratcher: LATEST: Megrahi's water cress has just died

Tuscan Tony: Al Magrahi outlives Liz Taylor.

#Labour parody of the Week

Gary Elsby: Anyone can be forgiven in thinking Tories have proven their successes over the years.


John M Ward MIA with tech probs


Tuscan Tony: Fred Titmus will be spinning in his grave.


obangobang: I think I prefer it upside down. I know my wife does, nudge, nudge, wink, wink.

obangobang: Too deep, too fast. My wife says that too!!

Tuscan Tony: Good filghodu, laghaq tieqa

Urban Tory: Ed Balls and Yvette Cooper are proof that ugly begets ugly

Tuscan Tony: Is John Woodcock a member of a splinter group?

Beware of Geeks: Ozzie got a nice shade of yellow - has he been on a quick trip to Zambia?

Urban Tory: @BoG its Liver failure

Tuscan Tony: Hague is the only person who looks more ridiculous than his cartoons.

Dick Scratcher: Is Shirley Williams' fanny a no fly zone?

Beware of Geeks: @DS - not even "bunker busters" can touch the sides

Tuscan Tony: Fred Titmus will be spinning in his grave.

Tuscan Tony: Croydon = Surrey's Detroit

Gadaffi: Gordo's wandering around Barnsley looking for the Thames. He might be a while.

obangobang: Maguire criticising someone for fluffing their lines. Lucky he uses his nose for his.

Tuscan Tony: Dead heat in a zeppelin race.

Beware of Geeks: "Tally ho! McRuin at angels 10. I've got a good tone...Fox..Fox 1"

Urban Tory: @BoG that was the geekiest and therefore coolest thing ever said on this blog

Cassius: NHS is going to be important if Harman is to get that face and hand transplant

The Anglo Saxon: "I can see clearly now the Gold has gone"

Tuscan Tony: Well endowment fund.

Steve Miliband: Rhodedendrum size plant

Tardkiller: I see Elsby is on day release

GuidoFawkes: @ns_mehdihasan Mrs Fawkes has made it clear she would like an Irish Baronetcy...

Urban Tory: why is Balls grinning like a bellend?

Billy Bowden: Because he is a bell end

Dorian Smith: Gary Elsby is a less eloquent Bob Crow

Nixon in China: Any truth in the rumour that Spandau ballet are lined up the play whenever Gordon Brown enters the House ?

Another Engineer: Nixon - They might as well line up Elvis to play when Gordon enters the house.

Ivor Tapeworm: From Shanghai to San Paulo - Hit Me with Your Rythm Stick

Steve Miliband: Massey Ferguson 1 John Deere 0

Call me Infidel: "does cherie wear a burka?" No but she bloody well should the ugly munter.

Tankus: Blimey.... wales gets electricity

Tardkiller: gordy did his budgets with a fishemans friend up his anus

Dick Scratcher: Enterprise Zones = Dogsh**land

Nixon in China: Potholes? Now they know how much it costs in cash to fill the Albert hall !

Dorian Smith: WHy don't we just put Caroline Lucas on a treadmill, how green is that?

Billy Bowden: POlly will blame Taylors death on the wicked tories.

Ivor Tapeworm: Has Elizabeth Taylor gone for a burton?

Nixon in China: If the media can just make the link between Liz Taylor, Japanese Spinach and Sarah Palin....Job Done!

cough mixture: BIG COUGH

Dick Scratcher: IDS wants his frog back

Beware of Geeks: Carla Bruni wants her frog back

Frog in Georges throat: Ken Clarke has nodded off

Tankus: Balls mock horror face ...same as his sex one ...I wonder

Nixon in China: Ed is hoping to soundbite the economy into recovery

busted nokia: Ed should audition for Caesar in life of brian

Tankus: what about Gordons biscuit policy on mumsnet choc or hobnob !, its sooooo difficult

Thursday, 17 March 2011

Over one million internet users in Libya

I came across an interesting article from the Arabic Network for Human Rights stating:

In 1998, the number of Internet users in Libya did not exceed 100 people. By early 2001, after Internet service was extended to the public, the number reached 300,000. By mid-2003, the number was estimated to be 850,000. It is rapidly reaching one million users, an immense number considering that the population in Libya is 6 million people.

That's a fair size of the population. I wonder how much the internet has played in the Middle East unrest recently or whether it is due to other global economic issues?

Wednesday, 16 March 2011

Guido's PMQs LiveChat Highlights: No Fuel Zone Edition

Thanks to Guidofor hosting today's LiveChat where the windowlickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs.

(sorry for delay - work issues)


Dorian Smith: Could Clegg's tie be any more yellow?

Billy Bowden: Crap tie Ed!!!

@JULIANBRAY: Hague looking pensive .... why? all tories wearing blue ties has there been a fatwa?

@JULIANBRAY: cleggy has puilled out the yellow tie


Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 815B (Belisha Brillo)


Dick Scratcher: CELEB WATCH: Esma Cannon (old lady in Carry Ons) in public gallery


Dick Scratcher: LATEST: Al Megrahi’s air conditioning has just died.

Tuscan Tony: More bad news for Magrahi: his extensive lichen collection has just died.

Tuscan Tony: More bad news - Maghrahi's signature on the Magna Carta has faded.


John M Ward: Heinous or Hain-ous?


Tuscan Tony: If Wotton Bassett is to be called Royal will Leicester be name Mongolian Cluster?


Tuscan Tony: Does the Muslim Parliament do a Taliban/insurgent death rollcall too?

Steve Miliband: Woyal as Red Ed would say

Ed But Look Balls: Cheltenham tic tac

Tuscan Tony: If Wotton Bassett is to be called Royal will Leicester be name Mongolian Cluster?

Steve Miliband: You don't get posher than a posh jock jock

John M Ward: Ken Clarke's dark green tie flowing in a gentle curve over his belly...

Tuscan Tony: Ed "Mongolian" MIliband

John M Ward: Red Ed's mouth at least as assymetric as Douglas carswell's...

Dick the Prick: The Hain pantone quite heinous

John M Ward: Heinous or Hain-ous?

Tuscan Tony: Would Ed Miliband qualify for the Midsomer Murders cast, one wonders?

Dorian Smith: MRSA went up under Labour

Dick Scratcher: Angela Eagle wants a Strapadicktomi on the NHS

Dick the Prick: How saggy are Harman's jugs?

Dick Scratcher: NHSSR

John M Ward: "Son of Road-block" !

Dick Scratcher: Mandy likes his passage blocking

Tankus: shoot the dwarf

Ed But Look Balls: PrescriptED!

AV or not AV?: Ah nostalgia - Tractor Stats reappear

Dick Scratcher: George Formby?

Dick Scratcher: "Turned out sh** again"

Mr Bridger: miliband "I have a fwiend fwom Wome named 'Biggus Dickus.'"

Beware of Geeks: Won't someone think of the Ginsters

John M Ward: John Prescott is *always* thinking of Ginsters!

Dorian Smith: More macs than McDonalds at lunchtime

@JULIANBRAY: Och aye the rank an file putting police out on the street nae munny ye ken....something like that

Eddie Strange: 53 Jocks so far on my count....

Beware of Geeks: @Eddie Strange - you are Gordon Brown and I claim my free bankruptcy card

Dick Scratcher: Mandy likes Olympic Rings

Dick Scratcher: Bernie the Haircut

Rog: Ken Clarke looking like his Madame Tussards facsimile after a small fire.

Midsomer Ethnic: Born to be bullied

Dick the Prick: My right honourable Hooooon

Monday, 14 March 2011

Unearthly music

Take the raw data from the program file for Microsoft paint.exe, import as a PCM audio file, awesome...!

Listen here

h/t bengoldacre

Wednesday, 9 March 2011

Guido's PMQs LiveChat: Keep It Vague Edition

Thanks to Guido for hosting today's LiveChat where the windowlickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs.

Peter Bone got the funniest line in with a great reply from Cam saying: "I wish my wife was as easily pleased!"


Carlos: What's should I have for pudding?

Carlos: Should I use Fairy or Tesco washing up liquid?

John M Ward: Bottle Fairy, Carlos. Oh no, that's a Japanese anime...


Dick Scratcher: Old school tie behind - or is it egg?


Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 815B (Andre’s six pack)


Dick Scratcher: CELEB WATCH: Stuart Golabek (Inverness Caledonian Thistle defender) in public gallery

Dick Scratcher: CELEB WATCH: Stuart Golabek (Inverness Caledonian Thistle defender) in public gallery


Dick Scratcher: LATEST: Al Megrahi’s cactus has just died.

Dick Scratcher: LATEST: Al Megrahi’s watch has just died.


John M Ward: Y'know: if Guido collapsed in the gutter on the way back from the pub', would he become one of those fawkes in the road?


Billy Bowden: If you saw Guido at the beach you would have to start throwing buckets of water over him.


Steve Miliband: David Cameron’s favourite cigarettes are Silk Savings

Steve Miliband: Hague would like 20 Embassies

Steve Miliband: Osborne prefers Benson and Hedgefunds

Dorian Smith: HH looking perky, is it the love beads?

John M Ward: "Poleeth othitherth ??

obangobang: We've lost 12,000 police officers in Libya? F*** me, that was careless.

Tuscan Tony: Two Theresa's, One Cup.

John M Ward: From MacNeil to Neil Carmichael

John M Ward: ...and in a while back to Andrew Neil!

Ed But Look Balls: dildo goggins!

Dick Scratcher: Del Piero: There are a quarter of a million Italians in Britain. And they’ll be made to suffer. Every restaurant, café, ice-cream parlour, gambling den and nightclub in London, Liverpool and Glasgow, will be smashed. Mr Bridger will drive them into the sea.

John M Ward: Was that Caroline Flint's other hair?

Beware of Geeks: Did she just say "Bull****!"?

Tuscan Tony: Gloria de Bonehead.

MrHarryCole: Cracking question from the Bonester

Ed But Look Balls: Bone Alone!

paulwaugh: Brilliantly deft reply from PM to Peter Bone:"I wish my wife was as easy to please"

Steve Miliband: I bet Ed wishes his 'life partner' was easy to please

Tuscan Tony: Michael W, you are a pile of erectile tissue and I claim my offshore trust.

Tuscan Tony: Why is Vince Cable wearing an opium poppy?

Dick the Prick: Sweaty, matted, greasy minge

Tuscan Tony: Don't knock it til you've tried it DtP

Steve Miliband: Al Mehgrahi's great granny's birthday today

Tuscan Tony: Powerful thighs, that Bagshawe woman.

Rog: Ken Clarke going for the partially deflated rubber dinghy look I think.

Dick Scratcher: I’d like to communicate Caroline Flint’s brains out, but what happened to that other great Liebour communicator Tony McNumpty? Anyone seen him?

Tuscan Tony: fist past the paws - Winnie the Pooh porno?

Steve Miliband: Alan titmarsh has fewer plants

Dick Scratcher: He should give Ffion a good ff***ing

John M Ward: Y'know: if Guido collapsed in the gutter on the way back from the pub', would he become one of those fawkes in the road?

John M Ward: Y'know: if Guido collapsed in the gutter on the way back from the pub', would he become one of those fawkes in the road?

Billy Bowden: If you saw Guido at the beach you would have to start throwing buckets of water over him.

Wednesday, 2 March 2011

Guido's PMQs LiveChat: Bomber Dave Edition

Thanks to Guido for hosting today's LiveChat where the windowlickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs.

First one after half term where Red Ed splits his questions. Cameron gets a few laughs with his "brother loyalty" jibe but rather loses it when he tries it the second time.


Carlos: I will making love to my girlfriend after PMQs. What positions should we try?

Tuscan Tony: Try being in the same room as her, Carlos.

Beware of Geeks: Hey, it's Carlos!

John M Ward: Ah, Carlos! First time I noticed you. What's for dinner? ;-)


Beware of Geeks: Beaker's wearing a bright blue tie today

Steve Miliband: Hain clashes with tie

iainmartin1: @JohnRentoul Yes, Cameron and Miliband wearing almost matching outfits but Mili E's tie just a touch more purple


Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 812G (Gaddafi’s Bollocks)


Dick Scratcher: CELEB WATCH: Colin Bean (Pte. Sponge in Dads Army) in public gallery

sophyridge: Sally Bercow beaming down from public gallery in #pmqs


Dick Scratcher: LATEST: Al Megrahi’s Kalashnikov has just died.

Tuscan Tony: newsflash: Al Magrahi's Joshua tree just died.


John M Ward: Hasn't he been cautioned for loitering within tent?


Tuscan Tony: Try saying electrification after lunch with Prezza


Tuscan Tony: I just heard a minister refer to "beard rigging". Whatever could he have meant?

Steve Miliband: Iain martin is expecting a no tie zone

Dick Scratcher: Beaker supressing erection

Tuscan Tony: Send some Somali pirates to Libya.

Dorian Smith: What's going on with Tessa, like a sofa seeping it's stuffing

Dick Scratcher: The Mekon in humble nodding mode

Steve Miliband: socilist run out of other peoples monikers

adamboulton: EM: Why not dump policy? DC: In a moment you are going to give me a lesson on family loyalty.

Ed But Look Balls: Harpic looks like her anal beads are chafing!

Saif Pair of Hands: Mr Speaker wants to get to the bottom

Tuscan Tony: 2000 IT systems=10,000 lunches.

John M Ward: Huhne: "I think, therefore I am - I think..."

The Anglo Saxon: She was caught in bed with Mandy last week thats how butch she is.

Tuscan Tony: Tapsell: Bond villian

Yardarm: Al Megrahi; next President of Libya

Tuscan Tony: Severe poverty=42" plasma

Dorian Smith: Was Pearce a former member of the Sisters Of Mercy?

Airey Belvoir: Is Huhne in despair? Is Carina too rough with the strap-on?

Tuscan Tony: Try saying electrification after lunch with Prezza

Ed But Look Balls: Blenkinsop of Ripping Yarns fame!

Ed But Look Balls: Phil Marrowbone Jelly!