Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Missed all the banter on Guido's Live PMQs?  Can't be arsed to trawl through pages of the windowlicking scribblings of the demented?  Want to see the highlights in one easy to digest posting?

Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

A Fistful of Nokias version


What's for lunch, Carlos?

Dick Scratcher: Carlos, what’s for lunch? Bully Beef & Chips?

Carlos: Not sure about lunch, but open to suggestions!


Carlos: OK, now I'm hungry.

Hain Pantone Watch

Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 1505 - Tangerine (He is now the Official Blackpool FC mascot)

Theresa May Astronaut Watch

The IMF is coming: No diving suit today


Steve Expat: Theresa May not looking like a spacewoman today!

Cameron Hair Watch

JULIAN BRAY (NOKIAPROOF): nEW HAIR COLOUR FOR cAMERON ANYONE NOTICED?


Tuscan Tony: I did Julian - looks like he's been running around underneath parked cars.

NotaSheep: Does look a little darker, maybe he and Prince William have the same barber?

Wild Yvette Watch

Beware of Geeks: Holy shit! Did you see that look on Yvette?? Rabbit in headlights!


Spank Sinatra: Cooper is on mogadon too

Airey Belvoir: Yvette wind-tunnel hair, mad stare

Claw Watch

Ghost of Greg Stone: the claw!

 
Pun of the Week 

Dick Scratcher: "Jew conduct" ?

 
 Alky Aida Watch 
 

 .243 Win: Alky aida. Yee Harr...

John Ward: Ah, "Alky Ada" again!

PSB Custard: Alky- Ada. Hurrah!

dAMIAN mCbRIDE: Alky ada...is that whore on benefits?

Rog: Alchy Ada doing the rounds again!

barniebear: 2 pints of Alki Ada

Highlights

Steve Expat: Khan looked like he was about to throw a Nokia at Neil!!


Ghost of Greg Stone: Every got their crash helmets ready for PMQs

Steve Expat: Nick Robinson: Gus O'Donnell says he never spoke to the PM about bullying, did speak to him about 'how to get hte best of his staff'!!

Beware of Geeks: And for the benefit of our Labour monitors: practise the following phrase everymorning until the 6th May "would you like fries with your bullying?"

.243 Win: Why are Harpic's anal beads around her neck ?

Kingbingo: They managed to use the make-up to cover Darlings bruises pretty well

Steve Expat: Kerry's looking ugly today

Tuscan Tony: members of my personal staff who have had eyes blacked since we last met.

Beware of Geeks: Holby - you got a boner yet from seeing Kerry?

Hugh jend: fuck me..it's hong kong fooey!

Beware of Geeks: Red Alert! Nokia shields full frontal

Old holborn: MRSA is in our DNA

Spank Sinatra: May has some anal beads too I see

obangobang: Labour - A Fucked Future for All

Ghost of Greg Stone: Yeah Gordon playing sotto voce today

Billy Blofeld: The all new emotional Gordon Brown........

Roger Thornhill: Lurch is back on Labour Front bench

the shade of dr kelly: when did you stop beating your staff?

Pontius The Pilot: Burnham looks worried. So the fucker should.

Dick Scratcher: It's not Darling, it's an android

Billy Blofeld: Does Gordon not know that Badger baiting is illegal?

Tuscan Tony: Ask Gordy if he's seen the HK bully package?

Ghost of Greg Stone: Managers fail - Broon has failed

Be Gone Gordon: looks like Gordoom is suffering from Jizz in the eye - Mandy's aim must be off

Tuscan Tony: Nice pearl necklace on Harriet - who did that I wonder?

WoaR: And I'm sending Alistair to Stafford to have his hernia done.

Billy Blofeld: He looked thinner in his Taiwanese CGi video........

Dick the Prick: Geez, wouldn't kiss that cunt if my life depended on it

New Labour bankrupted UK: Stop jabbering the lectern you mental man

Beware of Geeks: Nokias - lock and load

JULIAN BRAY (NOKIAPROOF): EL CUNKO FISTICO BROON

Tuscan Tony: Compasstastic

Dick Scratcher: Bleugh…think I just saw Harpic’s VW bonnet when she crossed her legs....jesus

.243 Win: Cover ! Incoming tractor stats.

Hugh jend: mrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrm cunt!

Dick Scratcher: Blackman must have eyes in the top of her head

John Ward: Yes, Dick: the lady has 20-20-20-20 vision :-)

Old holborn: 94.1%. Fuck off, you twatmunching turdburglar

Dick Scratcher: Alan Johnson has eyes like fried eggs

Old holborn: Alan Johnson. Old Oyster Eyes

John Ward: Is that a statue of Burnham? He hasn't moved since the start of PMQs.

John Ward: Tax Credits are a way to force people to beg for their own money back, and to add to Gordon's stats.

Dick Scratcher: Mandy likes Lickenstein

Dick Scratcher: Mandy wants Chorus to tap his salamander

The Unknown Streetcleaner: We'll take money from anyone - God knows we need it

Cold Steel Rain: Taliban are perfecting Road Side Nokias

50 Calibre: Children now taken out of poverty exceeds population of Great Britain... again. Clever!

Roger Thornhill: That Madrass I had the other day had an evil influence on my ringpiece...

The Unknown Streetcleaner: more plants than epping forest

Beware of Geeks: "I can assure him, where there are questions....I am the furthest from answering them"

Steve Expat: nokias doing their pre-flight checks!

Steve Expat: that dispatch box has had more banging than a dockside whore today

Beware of Geeks: Does Mr Tata do raw steaks do you think?

smig: Tower control. This is nokia one heavy. Permission to taxi to runway four niner delta.

.243 Win: @Geeks : From the back, Baywatch, from the front : Crimewatch.

Ollie Cromwell: LOL "I have personally spoken to Mr Tata" and Mr Cabbage, Mr Carrot and Mrs Leek.

Dick Scratcher: Priorities = gardening you tosser

John Ward: Oh, Pound! He needs to be devalued - out of the Commons!

Old holborn: So many plants, it looks like Kew Gardens