Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights
A Fistful of Nokias version
What's for lunch, Carlos?
Dick Scratcher: Carlos, what’s for lunch? Bully Beef & Chips?
Carlos: Not sure about lunch, but open to suggestions!
Carlos: OK, now I'm hungry.
Hain Pantone Watch
Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 1505 - Tangerine (He is now the Official Blackpool FC mascot)
Theresa May Astronaut Watch
The IMF is coming: No diving suit today
Steve Expat: Theresa May not looking like a spacewoman today!
Cameron Hair Watch
JULIAN BRAY (NOKIAPROOF): nEW HAIR COLOUR FOR cAMERON ANYONE NOTICED?
Tuscan Tony: I did Julian - looks like he's been running around underneath parked cars.
NotaSheep: Does look a little darker, maybe he and Prince William have the same barber?
Wild Yvette Watch
Beware of Geeks: Holy shit! Did you see that look on Yvette?? Rabbit in headlights!
Spank Sinatra: Cooper is on mogadon too
Airey Belvoir: Yvette wind-tunnel hair, mad stare
Ghost of Greg Stone: the claw!
Pun of the Week
Dick Scratcher: "Jew conduct" ?
Alky Aida Watch
.243 Win: Alky aida. Yee Harr...
John Ward: Ah, "Alky Ada" again!
PSB Custard: Alky- Ada. Hurrah!
dAMIAN mCbRIDE: Alky ada...is that whore on benefits?
Rog: Alchy Ada doing the rounds again!
barniebear: 2 pints of Alki Ada
Steve Expat: Khan looked like he was about to throw a Nokia at Neil!!
Ghost of Greg Stone: Every got their crash helmets ready for PMQs
Steve Expat: Nick Robinson: Gus O'Donnell says he never spoke to the PM about bullying, did speak to him about 'how to get hte best of his staff'!!
Beware of Geeks: And for the benefit of our Labour monitors: practise the following phrase everymorning until the 6th May "would you like fries with your bullying?"
.243 Win: Why are Harpic's anal beads around her neck ?
Kingbingo: They managed to use the make-up to cover Darlings bruises pretty well
Steve Expat: Kerry's looking ugly today
Tuscan Tony: members of my personal staff who have had eyes blacked since we last met.
Beware of Geeks: Holby - you got a boner yet from seeing Kerry?
Hugh jend: fuck me..it's hong kong fooey!
Beware of Geeks: Red Alert! Nokia shields full frontal
Old holborn: MRSA is in our DNA
Spank Sinatra: May has some anal beads too I see
obangobang: Labour - A Fucked Future for All
Ghost of Greg Stone: Yeah Gordon playing sotto voce today
Billy Blofeld: The all new emotional Gordon Brown........
Roger Thornhill: Lurch is back on Labour Front bench
the shade of dr kelly: when did you stop beating your staff?
Pontius The Pilot: Burnham looks worried. So the fucker should.
Dick Scratcher: It's not Darling, it's an android
Billy Blofeld: Does Gordon not know that Badger baiting is illegal?
Tuscan Tony: Ask Gordy if he's seen the HK bully package?
Ghost of Greg Stone: Managers fail - Broon has failed
Be Gone Gordon: looks like Gordoom is suffering from Jizz in the eye - Mandy's aim must be off
Tuscan Tony: Nice pearl necklace on Harriet - who did that I wonder?
WoaR: And I'm sending Alistair to Stafford to have his hernia done.
Billy Blofeld: He looked thinner in his Taiwanese CGi video........
Dick the Prick: Geez, wouldn't kiss that cunt if my life depended on it
New Labour bankrupted UK: Stop jabbering the lectern you mental man
Beware of Geeks: Nokias - lock and load
JULIAN BRAY (NOKIAPROOF): EL CUNKO FISTICO BROON
Tuscan Tony: Compasstastic
Dick Scratcher: Bleugh…think I just saw Harpic’s VW bonnet when she crossed her legs....jesus
.243 Win: Cover ! Incoming tractor stats.
Hugh jend: mrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrm cunt!
Dick Scratcher: Blackman must have eyes in the top of her head
John Ward: Yes, Dick: the lady has 20-20-20-20 vision :-)
Old holborn: 94.1%. Fuck off, you twatmunching turdburglar
Dick Scratcher: Alan Johnson has eyes like fried eggs
Old holborn: Alan Johnson. Old Oyster Eyes
John Ward: Is that a statue of Burnham? He hasn't moved since the start of PMQs.
John Ward: Tax Credits are a way to force people to beg for their own money back, and to add to Gordon's stats.
Dick Scratcher: Mandy likes Lickenstein
Dick Scratcher: Mandy wants Chorus to tap his salamander
The Unknown Streetcleaner: We'll take money from anyone - God knows we need it
Cold Steel Rain: Taliban are perfecting Road Side Nokias
50 Calibre: Children now taken out of poverty exceeds population of Great Britain... again. Clever!
Roger Thornhill: That Madrass I had the other day had an evil influence on my ringpiece...
The Unknown Streetcleaner: more plants than epping forest
Beware of Geeks: "I can assure him, where there are questions....I am the furthest from answering them"
Steve Expat: nokias doing their pre-flight checks!
Steve Expat: that dispatch box has had more banging than a dockside whore today
Beware of Geeks: Does Mr Tata do raw steaks do you think?
smig: Tower control. This is nokia one heavy. Permission to taxi to runway four niner delta.
.243 Win: @Geeks : From the back, Baywatch, from the front : Crimewatch.
Ollie Cromwell: LOL "I have personally spoken to Mr Tata" and Mr Cabbage, Mr Carrot and Mrs Leek.
Dick Scratcher: Priorities = gardening you tosser
John Ward: Oh, Pound! He needs to be devalued - out of the Commons!
Old holborn: So many plants, it looks like Kew Gardens