Guido's PMQs LiveChat: All Hungover Together Edition

Where Guido's window lickers come and gather, to blather and let rip their feelings on all things politics as the MPs assemble for the Wednesday lunchtime ritual of Prime Minister's Question Time.

A maelstrom of lexicon, a staccato of snipes, an orgy of aggressive and jocular banter hosted by Guido.

Did you miss the funny one liners from Messrs Ward, Sinatra, Stone and Scratcher?!?

Well fear not - here are the highlights and if Harman's head explodes Scanner style, then god forgive you for not being there to laugh out loud on Guido's Live Chat!


What's for lunch Carlos?

Old Holborn: Carlos has obviously starved to death

John Ward: Well, in Carlos' absence, my early lunch was Ardenne pate, with a nice salad, toast and some of that Canti Merlot-Sangiovese.

Dick Scratcher: Carlos was playing up front for Uruguay last night...he'll be back next week.


Theresa May Spacesuit Watch

Beware of Geeks: Theresa May not wearing the spacesuit


Harman's "Big Game" Safari watch

Dorian Smith: What will it be from Harriet this week, the Mr Byrite look, the mutant giraffe look, or the Abigail's Party look?

John Ward: Turn down the brightness on your TVs, folks: it's Harman in white!


Hain (and Cam) Pantone Watch

Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 813C (Dutch Delight) …topical eh?


TeatherWatch

MIA


Dodgy Tie of the Week

torybear: Clegg celebrating the Dutch win with his tie?

Rog: Cleggs tie sponsored by Easyjet?

Roger Thornhill: Clegg appears to have a slice of Hain's skin hanging around his neck

John Ward: I suspect Clegg's tie is a deliberate reminder that he is really a Lib Dem and not Cameron's pet.


Best line of the Week

Old Holborn: bet she's got a tw@t like a black cat with it's throat cut


Highlights

Labour bankrupted the UK: Can we have a "Spot the Gordon" competition instead on the DP?

Bobby Bobberson: Harriet will be using the pissed off stoat looks this week.

Dorian Smith: Someone should tell Bercow he's never going to get taller.

Dick Scratcher: Bercow walked in on his wife last night...

Old Holborn: What? Somaliland? Can we send Bristol back now then?

Hugh Jardon: I can't stand semolina

Dorian Smith: George looks miserable because he has to look at the opposition benches, it would depress most people.

Beware of Geeks: Now he looks like he's straining a bowl breaker!

John Ward: Engerland swings like a pendulum do...

Old Holborn: colombo raincoat

Dick Scratcher: "...can I ask you one more question?"

Dorian Smith: Spot on about Columbo, when she gets to the 6th question will she say "just one more question Sir"?

Dick Scratcher: Ken Clarke = loose Frank Cannon

John Bercow: What the **** does she have round her neck?

John Ward: Ah, that's her asp round the neck...

Old Holborn: She sounds like the woman on a Tesco customer service desk

niallpaterson: This is turning into an episode of Some Mothers Do Have Em

the last quango in paris: david miliband just scared the life out of me with his staring

Old Holborn: We don't need more police, we need less crime

John Ward: "The chair has resigned". How can furniture resign?

Dorian Smith: Please HH, run for the leadership, more missed open goals than in the world cup

Old Holborn: We ARE a prison ship. HMP Open Prison Britain

Spank Sinatra: I think I would prefer white noise rather than listen to her

alekboyd: Labour actually took more than economic lessons from Argentina...

Dick Scratcher: ...stab proof vests available in pink now

Smig: Brought crime down by giving the slackers enough beer and sky tv to keep them comfortable. They didnt have to burgle then.

Dick Scratcher: Afghans = like pushing cats into a cupboard

Spank Sinatra: Press F1 for english

Alistair Campbell: I hate being bi polar. It's awesome!!

John Ward: My mum says that there's one think about John: he was always trying. I *think* it was a compliment...

Beware of Geeks: Is Ken Clarke's alien love child about to burst from that portly, incubating belly?

Lobbydog: PMQs, now Bercow defending PM. Like a ref who books a player to even out a previous poor decision.

Dick Scratcher: K Clarke morphing into Churchill

Beware of Geeks: "Never, in the field of human conflict has an alien burst forth from my belly...never!"

John Ward: Well, Geeks, as that fellow in the movie must have thought: that Hurt!

Dennis Skinner MP: can I ask the prime minister when the bar's open, I need a drink

Hugh Jardon: would this be an opportune moment to mention the time that I may have spurted my curd all over the fullsome Katy D??

Dick Scratcher: Nick Brown hates the hose pipe ban...

Spank Sinatra: A tellytubby speaks

Billy Blofeld: Wee Willie Tw@t

Roehamster: Bloke with beard looks like that optical illusion that is a head both ways up.

Dick Scratcher: Gordon Broon = the Peter Ridsdale of politics

Old Holborn: **** me, he's had more hot dinners than I've had hot dinners

Mustafa Mohammed: Vote early, vote often

moss: Semper in excremento sum, solum profunditas mutat

Rog: Osborne set to glum factor 9.

Dick Scratcher: De Piero has a warm front

Beware of Geeks: I'd come on a green bench for Gloria

Old Holborn: bet she's got a tw@t like a black cat with it's throat cut

John Ward: I thought a Piero was a French clown...

wallaceme: @VizTopTips BOUNCERS - defy stereotypes by going mental and attacking people with guns instead of your fists.