Children are our future

I was sitting in a doctor's waiting room with my elderly mother when a young girl went up to all the empty seats and banged them with both her hands. This went on for several minutes and as she approached me I noticed she had snot running down her face. As she was sneezing and coughing I deduced she must have had bird flu, although glancing at her rotund "the worlds a Kentucky Fried oyster" mother, it could have been swine flu.

With that, she wiped the strings of mucus onto her hands and then proceeded to play the game of banging the empty seats and wiping the snotty putty on them.

Not one person said anything apart from the mother who shouted large words of encouragement to her feral offspring. With her continual diatribe of describing the exact actions of her kid to what appeared to be no-one in particular, for a moment, I thought I was starring in some sort of docu-drama.

Sadly, not a camera was to be found so I simply shouted: "Can you control your child please, as she has flu and is spreading her germs around this waiting room full of elderly and infirm people here. It is NOT a kindergarten".

The mother just scowled at me and reluctantly tried to control her spawn by a series of commands, rather than the obvious way of getting her fat lardarse off the fucking chair and grabbing the kid.

Not one person said a thing.

I hate this thing when parents allow their children to run amok in public places such as restaurants, libraries, supermarkets and waiting rooms. Especially supermarkets. What is it that these new mummies have to shout out loud to their kids explaining everything mummy is doing and what little Johnny would like to choose. It's annoying, I keep looking for the cameras and sound crew making their next documentary.

There's nothing worse then closing ones eyes as one delicately savours a rare 28 day mature rump steak and some minion from Beelzebub armed with some stolen restaurant cutlery comes screaming at your table firing a salvo of partially digested bread, deep fried chicken mcbollocks and grass from their gaping craw while their parents all look so fucking pleased with themselves and go "Aaaaaaaah!" as though they are singing the Girl from fecking Ipanema.

Nukids - fecking the spawn of the Devil - I'm not afraid to tell them quite loudly: "FUCK OFF!"