Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Missed all the banter on Guido's Live PMQs? Can't be arsed to trawl through pages of the windowlicking scribblings of the demented? Want to see the highlights in one easy to digest posting?


Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Goodbye Darling Edition


What's For Lunch Carlos?

Carlos MIA

Theresa May Spacesuit Watch

.243 Win: May's the Urban Spacebird again...

BristolDave: Hooray, the Helmetless Astronaut is back!

Steve Expat: Theresa May in the spacesuit again...

Dick Scratcher: And so, Theresa May’s back, from outer space. I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face. I should have changed my stupid lock. I should have made you leave your key. If I had known for just one second. You'd be back to bother me…etc.

coco the conspirator: is teresa wearing an action man diving suit?

.243 Win: Dick : "She's the Urban Spacebird baby, but here's the twist : She don't exist". Apologies to the Bonzo Dog band...

The IMF is coming: Theresa off diving later

@paulwaugh: Theresa May laughing so much at GB that her star trek outfit looked like it was going to beam itself up

Tory Tittle Tattler: how much longer are we going to have to wait before theresa may gets rid of that awful star trek jacket!

@niallpaterson: Tory frontbench sitting in silence. Probably as dumb-struck as i am by Theresa May's jacket.

Hain Pantone Watch

Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 811 (neon pumpkin)

Dodgy Tie of the Week

BristolDave: God almighty, where did that tie come from?

Bristol Dave : The 70's

Star Trek Watch

.243 Win: Malik being this weeks token Ferrangi.

Claw Watch

.243 Win: The CLAW !!!!

Beware of Geeks: Claw watch!

Labour Parody of the Week

Geraldine Dreadful MP: This budget will hopefully reinstate the milk taken away from our kids by the hated Margaret Thatcher

Best Line of the Week

hugh: i got a taxi back from the pub last night - 5 grand!

Highlights

@torybear: Nice taxpayer funded helicopter for Darling's wake

Roger Thornhill: A Flatulence Fart For All

Dick Scratcher: Stephen Byers latest: I had that Rosie Winterton in the back of my cab last week. It was a threesome with John Prescott.

.243 Win: Christ on a bike. Smiffy can always find work as the model for the next "Chucky" movie.

Beware of Geeks: Hang on a minute, he's now saying it has gone up again? Have I had a Flash Forward?

Dick Scratcher: Mountford : I wouldn't touch her with yours

BristolDave: Look at Brown's hand waving! Ooh Ducky!

Dick Scratcher: Sarah Brown getting bullying lessons from Naomi Campbell

RantinRab: He sent our gold in a big pre paid envelope

Urban Tory: I must say, I am going to miss those eyebrows from the front bench

BristolDave: Urban Tory: You may not have to miss them, I'm sure he'll rent them out to someone else

Tom FD: he likes to present himself as Mister Trans-pear-ant

Steve Expat: nokias doing their pre-flight checks already

Tom FD: I had that Stephen Byers in my cab and he was driving it

BristolDave: I was in a cab and it was Stephen Byers

Roger Thornhill: Yvette has the smallest head in the HoC

.243 Win: Kemp : Frankinstein had a bad day with that one...

Spank Sinatra: It's Mr Potato Head

@niallpaterson: Brown clearly not happy today. Arms crossed when listening to Cameron, and what my gran would call "a face like fizz"

John Ward: Ranks, certainly. There's a rank stench, and Byers is in a taxi-rank.

BristolDave: "Let me thank my honourable friend for that planted question"

Another Engineer: Zero emissions? Where the hell does the electricity come from you muppet?

Bill Quango mp: While Prescott lives we will never get zero emissions.

RantinRab: It's to be called the Nissan Tw@t.

mort: gawd gorgon is boiling, hope his head explodes

spotty: the new 'leaf 'car. A free calendar to check your acceleration

Geraldine Dreadful MP: I can't get a taxi anywhere now Byers raised the going rate to five grand.

Old Holborn: the most corrupt parliament in living memory

Vladikavkaz: I burnt my toast this morning, Ashcrofts fault

Taxi Driver for hire: £5k a day

Rog: Who IS that swarthy homunculus a few seats to Brown's left? Some sort of ethnic Oompah Loompah?

Geraldine Dreadful MP: I think John Bercow is fabulous. But then I thought he was a janitor.

Beware of Geeks: Brown is comparing New York Apples with English pears

Hugh Jardon: nodding her head like a £100.00 /hr prozzy

Old Holborn: Labour wants to touch your children

Nick2: Sure Start? Didn't Smackney Council close one as it was 'too middle class'?

.243 Win: Someone tell Loch Ness it's monster is missing..

Roger Thornhill: Just because Socialism is legal, does not mean it is safe

Legally Retarded: I'm surprised Bell doesn't just run down and suck him off...

@torybear: Gordon events new drug "methoderdrown"

Roger Thornhill: Gordon puts the N in Cuts.

dr. sipp: i never got my free plastic toy in my sugar puffs cereal ---im blaming ashcroft

Beware of Geeks: Question to the Prime Minister: "What is the square root of 16,433?" Answer from the Prime Mentalist: "Lord Ashcroft"

Vladikavkaz: the square root of 16433 was only 128 in 1997, but we have increased this by 50% in real terms to 192.

Dick Robinson: lord ashcroft production has risen by 20%

Bill Quango mp: Breaking News ***Chancellor takes two bottles of scotch to the Budget**** Means spirits going up or he needs a lot of false courage

+++ Breaking News +++

Old Holborn is pregnant!

Sam Cameron is running for the Jury Team!

English Freemen Standing In Court - Council Tax Hearing

                           

Here we see English Freemen standing in court as Lay Advisors to another Freemen.
This is for a Council Tax Liability Order hearing in Cwmbran Magistrates Court in South Wales, There were 14 Freemen in attendance.
The court was never convened as the Freemen never handed juridiction to magistrates or the clerk by standing up when ordered to do so and the magistrates never sat down.
The magistrates twice abandoned the court (the ship) and it was the Freemen who called the Police and at one point the Lay advisor can clearly be heard calling attending Police Constables to arrest the magistrates for impersonating judges.
There were many criminal acts committed this day by the company personnel (Magistrates, solictors, security and the clerk) and Police complaints are under way pending prosecutions for Fraud among other things.
But for the real shocker of how these people think they are above the law ...
Watch until the end!
h/t ukwebspider

UPDATE: Uncle Marvo has shown this to be a great big con.  Thank you for pointing this out.

Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Missed all the banter on Guido's Live PMQs? Can't be arsed to trawl through pages of the windowlicking scribblings of the demented? Want to see the highlights in one easy to digest posting?


Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Dave Pulling Manses From The Shell Version


What's For Lunch Carlos?

Old Holborn: Guiness and Oysters it is

Rocky Mountain oysters is that OH?

.243 Win: @ Carlos : venison pie & a pint of the black stuff.

Carlos: Hmmm, bambi in a pie! Nice. Good suggestions so far, folks!

Throbber: Venison pie - wit a pint of proper ale, not guiness I'd say

Hugh Jardon: I prefer hairy pie...

.243 Win: ...just have to nip out and zap a bambi later.

mort: carlos; redwine or beer based venison pie?

Dr Bombastic: I prefer fish taco

mort: i have half a dead bambi in my freezer:)

The IMF is coming: Bercow on the menu - stuffed preferably

John Ward: Ber-cow pie, perhaps?

Theresa May Spacesuit Watch

Grounded due to Daily Politics studio appearance


Hain Pantone Watch

Roger Thornhill: Not sure what is brighter - Hain's tie or his face

.243 Win: Geeks : Hain is M50Y100

John Ward: Nah, Hain's ties is a nicely matching orange...

Dodgy Tie of the Week

ToryTittleTattler: Hughes, taking his style tips from Hain now clearly

John Ward: Green tie?

Throbber: jesus what is up with that tie

.243 Win: Bristol Dave : Only thing I've seen recently that outshines Hain.

Beware of Geeks: If Hain and Hughes stood next together would there be yellow sunset?

Vulcan Watch

Gobshite: Set phasers to kill!

Afghanistan Banana Stand: Vulcan!!

Beware of Geeks: Vulcan alert!

Death or Tory: Nice one Spock!

Claw Watch

Carlos: THE CLAW!

Carlos: CLAW!

Penis Gloating of the Week

Donkey Dong: bercow you pencildicked midget! shut up!

Labour Parody of the Week

Progressive_Politics: Lord Ashcroft is trying to buy the election. he must be stopped

Best Line of the Week

John Ward: "Ashok to Ashes..."

Highlights

Tom FD: Which is better? Ashcroft or Unite? There's only one way to find out...

Chicken Licken: Brown's spincter is twitching

Beware of Geeks: Nice to see the pugnacious pie-vomiting bulemic prat from Hull showing his nice side again on TV.

Throbber: Let me be the first to say.... fuck off brown you festering cunt

Tuscan Tony: Welsh Questions - -about as relevant to the world as the colour of Gordon's pants.

Dazmando: @roger im a liberatrian and a Lib Dem

Roger Thornhill: Dazmando, you are in the wrong party, m'fraid

Dazmando: @Roger so Libs tell me

Guido Fawkes: Lord Sir John Chilcot.

The IMF is coming: Massey ferguson

Dr Bombastic: he lied and they died

The IMF is coming: Not the place for essays

Beware of Geeks: Looks like Jacqui's been fighting over the pies with Prescott

Dr Bombastic: is that a yeti on the front bench?

.243 Win: Bagpuss wearing urban-pattern camo. Doesn't blend in too well, does she ?

Tuscan Tony: UNder 5 feet - like Hazel Blears.

ToryTittleTattler: yes well done broon. he made an ickle correction. oh bless.

Guest: 1 ashok kumar with pulao rice and nan bread please

PSB Custard: Passengers, not FUCKING CUSTOMERS!

Old Holborn: good news. Chocolate rations increased

Tuscan Tony: Advice I gave to management of BA - based on your business knowledge???!!?!

ToryTittleTattler: one eyed son of manse on the back foot

Roger Thornhill: If Unite is not careful BA will operate without union staff...

.243 Win: McDoom : More full of shite than King Kong's colostomy bag.

JULIAN BRAY BROWN SAUCED: whelan has the key of the door - the khazi at number 10...

sweaty crack: for godssake dont back BA gordy - i'm flying with them in 2 weeks!!!

PSB Custard: The YouTube grin. Oh my eyes!

Govt-by-Cluster-Fuck: oh god that grin , i'm going to vomit

turds of wisdom: Harman looks like she can smell shit

Tube_Thumper: hatties only thinking about the bukkake party

George Kaplan: And answer came there none...

Roger Thornhill: Brown's words are calculated to deepen and prolong...like the recession

JULIAN BRAY BROWN SAUCED: BROON TALKING ONIONS OR IS THAt unions?

Beware of Geeks: It's cherie blair attractive part of the DNA

Dick the Prick: Chris McCafferty is fucking useless

JULIAN BRAY BROWN SAUCED: Mccaffertys goat....

Stan Butler: They'll be dropping down the polls quicker than Sally Bercows drawers at a Labour dinner party.

Guido Fawkes: Cleggs bankroller is in jail.

Tube_Thumper: oh good cleggy is up i can nip round and get an early one on miriams stockings

Charlie Whelan: Right, that's it. Horses fucking head in Cleggs bed

Tuscan Tony: Sarah Brown's head in Nick's bed - much worse

ToryTittleTattler: everyweek when Squeaker says "Nick Clegg must be heard" someone next to him yells "why!"

JULIAN BRAY BROWN SAUCED: That little kidnapped asian lad is on the labour front bench...aged a bit

Tuscan Tony: Coots? What have small ducks got to do with it?

turds of wisdom: by the looks on their face the Labour front bench must be sat in gordons piss again

New Labour bankrupted UK: Digitalise the finger I'm giving you Gordon!

Hugh Jardon: twigg gives me 'wood'

Ollie Cromwell: Purcell washes whiter

BristolDave: Christ, look at her! She needs a carbon footprint to her face

.243 Win: Go on, say it " Suffering succotash". I dare you.

Hugh Jardon: would this be an opportune moment to mention katie D & my spitfire?

Beware of Geeks: @Hugh Jardon - lol - "Cocks away!"

the shade of dr kelly: scam mail - like postal voting??

WoaR: 60 is not the age it used to be.

Old Holborn: Kilroy Silk wants his hair back at 2pm

Charlie Whelan: Right, I'm off to beat some fucker to death

John Ward: Every time a Nokia is broken, another British ARM processor is sold...

Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Missed all the banter on Guido's Live PMQs? Can't be arsed to trawl through pages of the windowlicking scribblings of the demented? Want to see the highlights in one easy to digest posting?

Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Ashcroft: The Cause And Solutions To All Liebour's Problems Version

What's For Lunch Carlos?

Carlos: BoG, I have no plans today, so can be open to suggestions!

Beware of Geeks: Carlos - how about a nice fresh tuna salad for the bright spring weather?

Carlos: Nicoise, BoG? That could work.

Dick Scratcher: Carlos - what about Bully Beef?

Beware of Geeks: Nicoise it is Carlos!

Carlos: Nomnomnomnom

John Ward: Salade Nicoise is great, if done properly!

.243 Win: Carlos : Calamari, olive oil chili + smoked garlic. Hunk of fresh bread and large glass of tempranillo.

Carlos: I know what to have for lunch! Ashcroft! The answer to everything!

Theresa May Spacesuit Watch

The IMF is coming: No diving suit

Steve Expat: Theresa forgot the space suit today

The IMF is coming: Theresa in dry suit today

Beware of Geeks: Aaah, no spacesuit! Please Theresa bring it next time, just in case for explosive decompression in the HoC

Labour Parody of the Week

Proud to be Labour: Only Labour can look after our forces. We will do this by allying our military with the French.

Best Line of the Week

John Ward: The only Courage Brown knows is a pint of bitter...

Highlights

Macintyres Unpaid Intern: The bloke sitting behind Gordon is trying to hide an erection with his order papers.

Roger Thornhill: Is Straw forced to wear a yellow star these days? Geez, I know Labour are fascists but that is taking it too far.

.243 Win: McDoom already on the back foot and stuttering. The great fisting clunk in action...

Dick Scratcher: Is Straw wearing his gay pride badge?

Tuscan Tony: Is the yellow thing on Straw's jacket a packet of Termazepam?

JULIAN BRAY NAE SNATCH: LOW VOICE DUCET TOMES , MEDIA TRAINING KICKING IN

Beware of Geeks: Definately been given media training again - gravitas, "Churchilian", keeps mentioning the war

mort: sarah likes clunking fisting

Roger Thornhill: Dignity is absent from this Cabinet.

Steve Expat: I'm sure the four sets of parents are so happy that Gordon is bolting the door after the horse has bolted

Tom FD: Brown smirks at reference to Chilcott

Stepney: Chilcot - the musical

Govt-By-Cluster-Fuck: Ohhhhh, bout time Dave showed some fire

Carlos: Superb, Cameron. Superb!

g1lgam3sh: Get him...go on Dave kick the fuckers

Roger Thornhill: Fillet him, Dave

John Ward: "Common cos"? Isn't that a kind of lettuce?

Roger Thornhill: UP YOUR R's more like

Throbber: so its the commanders fault eh? you lowlife piece of shit

Steve Expat: Go for him Dave - that was disgraceful from Brown

Cath: oh - blaming the commanders again. Dispicable!!

PSB Custard: Fight, fight, fight!

Dick Scratcher: Harman needs a biatch slap

John Ward: The only Courage Brown knows is a pint of bitter...

WoaR: Some of Cameron's friends have died, Brown's have been hiding.

Throbber: harman has her joy balls in again

Guido Fawkes: We only need one bullet.

New Labour bankrupted UK: A rise just to buy ammo is NOT a rise in spending

Donald and Davey Stott: think Darling wins the Greg Stone Award for tie of the week

BristolDave: Ainsworth looks like a kiddy fiddler

Milf Watch: May's tits hanging down like roof tiler's nailbags

Mitch: troops into Ashcroft - he really is a disgrace

Should_Be_Working: Q: How are you today Prime Minister? A: Ashcroft

Should_Be_Working: Q: Would you like a cup of tea Prime Minister? A: Ashcroft

Should_Be_Working: Q: Is that Nokia in your pocket Prime Minister, or...? A: Ashcroft

Guido Fawkes: Loving Punch and Judy

Govt-By-Cluster-Fuck: Best answer yet.

Guido Fawkes: Squeaker squeaking

PSB Custard: Bercow's gonna pop like a teenager's zits

.243 Win: Bercow. About as useful as a washable paper condom.

John Ward: Hasn't he Twigg-ed it yet?

Cath: WTF - he really is living in his own world.

Beware of Geeks: Is that the sound of an Ashcroft barrel being scraped?

Dr Baombastic: would that plant from Wigan be an Aspidistra?

Ghost of Greg Stone: Foot was great - I loved his 1983 Manifesto

BristolDave: "Facts" = Tractor Stats

PSB Custard: Tough on Ashcroft, tough on the causes of Ashcroft.

John Ward: "Mums Nest"?

Rog: Fucking swamp pig.

Beware of Geeks: International Womens Day? Get in the utility room - these shirts won't iron themselves you know!

Dick Scratcher: What about 'Ipaytoomuchfuckingtaxnet' ?

Tuscan Tony: Four people in a snatch - sounds like a wild party, Gord.

obangobang: He's learned lessons. 200+ soldiers have died. How's that for an education budget?

Ghost of Greg Stone: If Ashcroft had paid his taxes we could have afforded a tank for every soldier?

The IMF is coming: It's official: Margaret Thatcher has been absolved of any blame. It is all Ashcroft's fault

Should_Be_Working: Replace snatch? So the rumours are true Gordon?!

Tuscan Tony: Buy May stiffs?

Tuscan Tony: Foot was a patriot - of the Soviet Union.

Tom FD: gordon's not a patriot he's just patronising

Beware of Geeks: Jeez, how many pies has he put on expenses?

Tuscan Tony: Emissions framework: wooden rack for turkey basters?

Guido Fawkes: RIGHT THING TO DO!

Desperado: Widders looking foxy today. Dirty bitch.

Roger Thornhill: Spending on salaries is not "investment" you moron

Rog: Brown loves a bit of Fisting Stimulus.

Tuscan Tony: How much nmore fistal stimulus can his sphincter take?

Guido Fawkes: Surprise she is asking a question related to Europe.

Beware of Geeks: Oh get on with it you wig wearing tosser...

Roger Thornhill: The land that Tie forgot

Ollie Cromwell: He should support the BBC - The BBC clearly support him.

Beware of Geeks: Oh they're worried about the Tories getting rid of the Labour suporting BBC - GOOD! Cos the BBC should go and it will - as I don't pay my licence anyway

Guido Fawkes: Sod the Beeb, ooh what has Brillo got to say...

Dwarf Watcher: Who's the swarthy rocking homunculus next to Tessa Jowell?

JULIAN BRAY NAE SNATCH: Abbott ale now being consumed hail mary

John Ward: Is that Diane Abbott ale?

"Astro-squirrels"

Surely a great fashion tip for Theresa "Space Suit" May in her ubiquitous appearances in PMQs?

Hat Tip: Telegraph

5th Blog Post From BBC's Nick Robinson about Ashcroft

Like a dog with a bone, Nick Robinson simply won't let this Ashcroft story go.  Even readers on his blog are staggered at his blatant lack of impartiality.

Perhaps Nick can now focus on Labour's non-doms such as Lord Paul, as Marr did on his Sunday show to a very surprised Harriet Harman.  She wasn't ready for any off-script questions!

However, the BBC remains fully focussed on discrediting the Tories at every step, I'm sure with a little persuasion from a certain Mr Mandleson as well as their collective, ingrained liberal thinking culture within.  As they say, the Tory voting club in the BBC has very few members.  The BBC's thin veneer of impartiality and balance has all but gone and they have shown where their taxpayer funded loyalty lies, as was expected now that the polls are showing the two parties neck and neck.

Favourable reporting from the BBC is important for both parties, as can be seen whenever Labour have complained to the BBC about Tory bias.

However, with the plethora of sites such as the Biased BBC, there are many examples of the BBC anti-Tory bias that we can observe ourselves, even familiar scenes such as allowing Labour their say without interruption and then countering this with downright hostility with any Tory interviewee.

From Nick's blog, RobB sums it up nicely:

So Nick,


now that you've written 5 blogs recently on the Ashcroft/Conservatives and none on the Labour non-doms; maybe to address the BBC impartiality you should perhaps do as David Cameron suggests and "go after the Labour Party and ask questions about their donors and where they pay tax."
 
How 'bout that eh ?

 
Quite.

The Gore's Prayer

Al Gore, who art a draft dodger,
Hollow be thy morals,
Thy day will come,
On Earthwatch as it is in dreamland,
Give us this day our global warming propaganda,
And forgive us our carbon emissions,
As we forgive those who burn fossil fuels for us,
But lead us into the Stone Age,
And deliver us from prosperity,
For thine is the tipping point, the power and the Glory of Monbiot
Forever and ever, until the money runs out
Armageddon

Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Missed all the banter on Guido's Live PMQs? Can't be arsed to trawl through pages of the windowlicking scribblings of the demented? Want to see the highlights in one easy to digest posting?


Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Gordon Ducks Again version



What's for lunch, Carlos?

Carlos: Not so sure, BoG. Pondering a pizza, but as yet nothing has prompted me...
.243 Win: Carlos : Steak baguette.
Carlos: Very good! But I want some Bollinger now!



Hain Pantone Watch

MIA



Theresa May Astronaut Watch

Beware of Geeks: Theresa May wearing the astronaut suit again
Old Holborn: ground control to major tom
The IMF is coming: Theresa going diving
startledcod: Who has nicked Theresa May's space helmet?
Beware of Geeks: Theresa can borrow my helmet
Roger Thornhill: Geeks - who says you would get it back?
Beware of Geeks: Roger - I've scraped too many barrels to care! :)



Penguins and Dog Watch


Armchair Fred: Can she work Ashcroft into tthe dogs debate?
Carlos: Dogs can't look up. Or is that penguins.
.243 Win: Carlos : Never seen a dog look up a penguin.
John Ward: I like that idea, a penguin would be nice, but would need a box in front of the Despatch Box to be visible.
John Ward: An emperor penguin would be better than Fuhrer Brown...
Carlos: John, a Gentoo Penguin turd woudl be better than Brown.
Grapefruit bowls: Penguins knock their friends into the water to check for seals



Odd Comment of the Week



Grapefruit bowls: Once bitten by a snake, a dog will fear sausages.



Highlights


Billy Blofeld: Wimmin's manufacturing is up......... that Rabbit Dildo factory has been going like the clappers

Carlos: Scrolling banner should read "Gordon Brown is a coward and is hiding under his desk"
Ollie Cromwell: I have a feeling he is about to whoop the rear of the year
Harpic Watch: Beast of Bolsover has same jacket on for 20 years
Guido Fawkes: well done Harman, got Hague's job right this time
Ghost of Greg Stone: Get your choppers out
Labour bankrupted the UK: Gordon Brown's brains has already been disolved a long time ago.
Carlos: Please can I punch Ainsworth now?
Should_Be_Working: Harriet doesn't understand bonds, currency and stuff - she's a bird
Old Holborn: @sally_bercow, fuck off you clapped out spunkbucket
Nick2: INTEGRITY? HARMAN? Frank Field described her as a fucking liar to her face!
Should_Be_Working: "Mislead" - shouldn't that be Ms Led from a proud feminist like Harperson?
John Ward: Anagram of Jack Dromey-Harman is "Ah, my Joker card man"
Jack Dromey: Fookin go girl. That's my misses, that is
Ollie Cromwell: Brown paper envelopes being passed around
Harpic Watch: Hague nicked one from Guido about Brown weakness
Sally Bercow: Who fancies a quick fuck?
Beware of Geeks: @ Sally Bercow - is there a queue as before?
Sally Bercow: No queue. get it while it's hot
Yiddo from the Lane: "Harriet Harman is Nicola Murray" - funniest comment so far IMO
Spank Sinatra: Put a bag on her head someone please..
Old Holborn: she cut her hair with a knife and fork
Roger Thornhill: Harriet Harman would fail the Turing Test
JULIAN BRAY NAE NOKIA!: UGLY FACE OF SECRETS
Carlos: Turing = Genius. Harman = Failure.
Roger Thornhill: The only Tax I want to see are the ones nailed into Harman's eyes
Carlos: Bradshaw nodding about marriage? Hmmmm.
Spank Sinatra: More irritable vowel syndrome
.243 Win: Fuck, run, IT's the Mekon.
Old Holborn: did he get dressed in the dark?
WoaR: Jacqui Dromey is being gender re-assigned to comply with the shortlist.
Geordie Girl: Bradshaw looks like a grinning deaths head.
Spank Sinatra: Straw has got his usual pube stuck down his throat I see
Harpic Watch: Feckin Flopsy Bradshaw - what a cnut!
The IMF is coming: Someone lost their curtains?
John Ward: Wearing upholstery now on the Labour backbenches!
Beware of Geeks: It was an Ashcroft plant strategy that went horribly, and more importantly, visibly wrong 
Bill Quango MP: And apologise for that gawd awful face

Dick the Prick: Mr Spunker
Dick the Prick: Ben Bradshaw not gonna be able to spunk for weeks he's creamed so much
JULIAN BRAY NAE NOKIA!: dromey derry kamel shite
Liz: Oh bless. She has a hanky up her sleeve, like my grandma.
Roger Thornhill: National Institute for Continuing Excrement
A Firm Pair Of Breasts: Bust!

+++ Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights - Coming Soon +++

More exciting highlights to follow this afternoon...

The Macavity of the PMQs

Once again Macavity is disappearing from PMQs to let the Harridan screech her badly delivered notes given to her by some Liebour orc on Wednesday.  Macavity's excuse is that he will have to join the Queen in welcoming South African Jacob Zuma's arrival in London for talks on Thursday.  So that's talks on Thursday and not Wednesday.  And no doubt, the flight will land just before PMQs starts.  Of course.

Digging a little deeper, I wondered just how many PMQs Macavity has missed during his short reign since 27 June 2007.  Using this and this I have calculated the following:

Prime Minister	Years in office	Total PMQs	# missed	% missed
Major	7	398	47	11.8
Brown	3	86	9	10.5
Thatcher	11	752	58	7.7
Blair	10	343	17	5.0

So currently at number two in the Macavity stakes with only a few months left. 

Can he become the all time disappearing Macavity?  The Prime Minister that just seems to have "other important business" to attend to when the political stakes get a bit heated?

Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Missed all the banter on Guido's Live PMQs?  Can't be arsed to trawl through pages of the windowlicking scribblings of the demented?  Want to see the highlights in one easy to digest posting?

Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

A Fistful of Nokias version


What's for lunch, Carlos?

Dick Scratcher: Carlos, what’s for lunch? Bully Beef & Chips?

Carlos: Not sure about lunch, but open to suggestions!


Carlos: OK, now I'm hungry.

Hain Pantone Watch

Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 1505 - Tangerine (He is now the Official Blackpool FC mascot)

Theresa May Astronaut Watch

The IMF is coming: No diving suit today


Steve Expat: Theresa May not looking like a spacewoman today!

Cameron Hair Watch

JULIAN BRAY (NOKIAPROOF): nEW HAIR COLOUR FOR cAMERON ANYONE NOTICED?


Tuscan Tony: I did Julian - looks like he's been running around underneath parked cars.

NotaSheep: Does look a little darker, maybe he and Prince William have the same barber?

Wild Yvette Watch

Beware of Geeks: Holy shit! Did you see that look on Yvette?? Rabbit in headlights!


Spank Sinatra: Cooper is on mogadon too

Airey Belvoir: Yvette wind-tunnel hair, mad stare

Claw Watch

Ghost of Greg Stone: the claw!

 
Pun of the Week 

Dick Scratcher: "Jew conduct" ?

 
 Alky Aida Watch 
 

 .243 Win: Alky aida. Yee Harr...

John Ward: Ah, "Alky Ada" again!

PSB Custard: Alky- Ada. Hurrah!

dAMIAN mCbRIDE: Alky ada...is that whore on benefits?

Rog: Alchy Ada doing the rounds again!

barniebear: 2 pints of Alki Ada

Highlights

Steve Expat: Khan looked like he was about to throw a Nokia at Neil!!


Ghost of Greg Stone: Every got their crash helmets ready for PMQs

Steve Expat: Nick Robinson: Gus O'Donnell says he never spoke to the PM about bullying, did speak to him about 'how to get hte best of his staff'!!

Beware of Geeks: And for the benefit of our Labour monitors: practise the following phrase everymorning until the 6th May "would you like fries with your bullying?"

.243 Win: Why are Harpic's anal beads around her neck ?

Kingbingo: They managed to use the make-up to cover Darlings bruises pretty well

Steve Expat: Kerry's looking ugly today

Tuscan Tony: members of my personal staff who have had eyes blacked since we last met.

Beware of Geeks: Holby - you got a boner yet from seeing Kerry?

Hugh jend: fuck me..it's hong kong fooey!

Beware of Geeks: Red Alert! Nokia shields full frontal

Old holborn: MRSA is in our DNA

Spank Sinatra: May has some anal beads too I see

obangobang: Labour - A Fucked Future for All

Ghost of Greg Stone: Yeah Gordon playing sotto voce today

Billy Blofeld: The all new emotional Gordon Brown........

Roger Thornhill: Lurch is back on Labour Front bench

the shade of dr kelly: when did you stop beating your staff?

Pontius The Pilot: Burnham looks worried. So the fucker should.

Dick Scratcher: It's not Darling, it's an android

Billy Blofeld: Does Gordon not know that Badger baiting is illegal?

Tuscan Tony: Ask Gordy if he's seen the HK bully package?

Ghost of Greg Stone: Managers fail - Broon has failed

Be Gone Gordon: looks like Gordoom is suffering from Jizz in the eye - Mandy's aim must be off

Tuscan Tony: Nice pearl necklace on Harriet - who did that I wonder?

WoaR: And I'm sending Alistair to Stafford to have his hernia done.

Billy Blofeld: He looked thinner in his Taiwanese CGi video........

Dick the Prick: Geez, wouldn't kiss that cunt if my life depended on it

New Labour bankrupted UK: Stop jabbering the lectern you mental man

Beware of Geeks: Nokias - lock and load

JULIAN BRAY (NOKIAPROOF): EL CUNKO FISTICO BROON

Tuscan Tony: Compasstastic

Dick Scratcher: Bleugh…think I just saw Harpic’s VW bonnet when she crossed her legs....jesus

.243 Win: Cover ! Incoming tractor stats.

Hugh jend: mrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrmrm cunt!

Dick Scratcher: Blackman must have eyes in the top of her head

John Ward: Yes, Dick: the lady has 20-20-20-20 vision :-)

Old holborn: 94.1%. Fuck off, you twatmunching turdburglar

Dick Scratcher: Alan Johnson has eyes like fried eggs

Old holborn: Alan Johnson. Old Oyster Eyes

John Ward: Is that a statue of Burnham? He hasn't moved since the start of PMQs.

John Ward: Tax Credits are a way to force people to beg for their own money back, and to add to Gordon's stats.

Dick Scratcher: Mandy likes Lickenstein

Dick Scratcher: Mandy wants Chorus to tap his salamander

The Unknown Streetcleaner: We'll take money from anyone - God knows we need it

Cold Steel Rain: Taliban are perfecting Road Side Nokias

50 Calibre: Children now taken out of poverty exceeds population of Great Britain... again. Clever!

Roger Thornhill: That Madrass I had the other day had an evil influence on my ringpiece...

The Unknown Streetcleaner: more plants than epping forest

Beware of Geeks: "I can assure him, where there are questions....I am the furthest from answering them"

Steve Expat: nokias doing their pre-flight checks!

Steve Expat: that dispatch box has had more banging than a dockside whore today

Beware of Geeks: Does Mr Tata do raw steaks do you think?

smig: Tower control. This is nokia one heavy. Permission to taxi to runway four niner delta.

.243 Win: @Geeks : From the back, Baywatch, from the front : Crimewatch.

Ollie Cromwell: LOL "I have personally spoken to Mr Tata" and Mr Cabbage, Mr Carrot and Mrs Leek.

Dick Scratcher: Priorities = gardening you tosser

John Ward: Oh, Pound! He needs to be devalued - out of the Commons!

Old holborn: So many plants, it looks like Kew Gardens

 

Show off your shoulders - yeah, right!

Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Thanks to Guido we can now rant and rave at the gurning politicos during the farce that is know as "Opposition Leader's Questions" and watch the Prime Monster do his level best to avoid answering any questions whatsoever, while trying to tell his pre-written, anti-Tory jokes with the panache and hypocrisy of Marcus Brigstocke.

Unfortunately, the stream of consciousness that pours down the LiveChat screen is often missed, so Beware of Geeks is going to make this a regular weekly highlight to record and list the funniest comments.

What's For Lunch Carlos?

First of all, what is Carlos going to have for lunch?

dr bombastic: "have a fish taco carlos"

Then some fine comments from my fellow window lickers:-

BristolDave: He is addressing the policy issue, you dribbling mong, but it's YOUR policy he's addressing, not his. What's wrong with that?


Tuscan Tony: Tax on the Fyfe Fyffes!


Old Holborn: I'm going to send Brown a dead cat

Old Holborn: I can smell Kerrys growler

obangobang: Brown wants you to pay for his collapse into dementia - will we notice the difference?

Dorian Smith: no doubt this is a sterling performance from the nokia thrower according to toenails

Dale: Nick Clegg - when are you going to answer my letters and get Sheffield shitty council to resurface my street? It is still cobbled for fucks sake

Ghost of Greg Stone: 800 meeja wallahs against 100,000 troops not going to be much of a raise

BristolDave: Frankie Boyle was right, Gordon Brown just looks like someone's drawn a sad face on a scrotum

Spank Sinatra: We need you like veneral disease

John Ward: Ah, is he worried that the Pendle-um might swing?

Dick Scratcher: If Lemsip Opik & Carswell had a child together, I guess it would have a straight face. Right?

Dick Scratcher: Emily Maitlis latest: “ I'm now so old my pussy is haunted, but I AM sexier than Kirsty Wark.” Next week on Newsnight, Martha Kearney in a basque & suspenders and Gavin Esler in a gimp mask.

JULIAN BRAY - Go bRO nOW: kRAFT DAIRY7 MILK NOT OF HUMAN KINDNESS

Repeated throughout the LiveChat:

Dick Scratcher: Terry Pratchett : Just in case you haven’t heard, I have Alzheimer's.

Continuing:

Dick Scratcher: Broon should have to wear a stripy top, eye mask & black beanie when he does PMQs, and have a flute and double bass playing in the background.

Old Holborn: Le Port d'Douvre

Then John Redwood appeared:

Spank Sinatra: Set phasers to stun

Beware of Geeks: mind meld

ShoutsAtTheTV:star trek music

More:

John Ward: He's Mullin it over as he (slowly) speaks. (re: Chris Mullins)


Dick Scratcher: Alan Johnson superglued again

Labour Bankrupted the UK: I support the crash of the Euro, in fact, I'm betting on it :)

The Tobin tax was mentioned:

Dick Scratcher: How about a Dobbin tax for men with big cocks. I'd be bankrupt though. Forget it.

Tuscan Tony: Turnip tax on Labour voters!

Hopefully more next week!  Let me know if I missed your blog out, or funny comment.

Sobbing for Socialism

It's true!  The faux outpouring of insincere sobbing as a last desperate attempt to win over the electorate has an interesting effect on the onion market - India hikes onion export prices!

Yes, everyone, invoke tears of imaginary remorse at the drop of a hat, or election poll, with your handy to carry onion.  Can be used in any studio appearance or when Marr asks you an embarrassing question on just how much lying you did to the nation to justify a pointless war.

Mandatory uber ignorance

I came across this article and at first I thought it seemed a sensible idea: making cigarettes self-extinguish with the view to reducing deaths through domestic fires.


From the governments own figures it seems that dwelling fire deaths have reduced from 731 in 1988 to 190 in 2007. This has been mainly due to fire-retardant furniture and smoke alarms which now appear in 80% of the homes.

RoSPA (The Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents) indicates that due to the recession, there is a sharp rise in fire deaths as a result of “smoker’s materials” in Scotland, with alcohol being a contributory factor.

An interesting observation suggesting the Law of Unintended Consequences is alive and well:

“Ahead of the introduction of the smoking ban in 2006, some concerns were raised about the potential for an increase in fire deaths. We do not know whether the ban was directly linked to the rise in deaths, but it, together with the economic situation and efforts to tackle binge drinking, could mean people are now more inclined to stay at home to drink"

I did a quick bit of research into these reduced ignition propensity (RIP) cigarettes and was expecting the introduction or a fire-retardant chemical in there, but instead, it is a simple mechanism whereby ultra-thin concentric bands or 'speed bumps' are introduced in the cigarette paper in order to restrict oxygen access to the burning end of the cigarette.

Now, overall the campaigning, the government adverts, the smoke detectors, the fire regulations, lobbying have all come together to reduce deaths which is a good thing and I’m not going to comment or criticise this directly in any way.

What I am curious about is the overlap between educating people, manufacturing of safety devices and enforcement of legislation. The example above has a mixture of all three entities. So what is better: a pincer movement from all three, more education than legislation or more legislation than education?

To my more libertarian mindset, I would prefer to see more education than legislation, but would more legislation would be more efficient, quicker and possibly cheaper than education? Could we eventually achieve the same results with education alone? Maybe, eventually and probably helped by safety devices but would there be more deaths in the process?

Would safety devices absolve the individual from thinking about their own actions in the future, creating a sense of false expectation in their everyday lives?

For me, this symbolises in a small way, the struggle of Libertarianism versus Authoritarianism we see in so many aspects of our lives. Some see legislation as unnecessarily authoritative. Some see legislation as a social panacea to curing all our ills. We know from experience one exclusively over the other usually provides an unsatisfactory outcome.

Perhaps a perpetual balance of all three is simply the way things are as it reflects the myriad ways that human beings think and carry out their lives in the way that they feel fit.

What do you, dear reader, think?

Separated at birth?

Diane Abbott's arse              A Ferengi          

Plod suspect terrorists armed with "spangly blue hairdryers" as threat to public

Kids TV presenters Anna Williamson and Jamie Rickers from ITV1's hit show Toonattik, were filming a skit for the programme on London's South Bank wearing combat gear and armed with children's walkie-talkies and hairdryers.

"Jamie and I were kitted out in fake utility belts, we had the whole bulletproof flakjacket thing, we've got hairdryers in our belt, a kids' £1.99 walkie-talkie, hairbrushes and all that kind of stuff, and we were being followed by a camera crew and a boom mike and we get literally pulled over by four policemen and we were issued with a warning 'under the act of terrorism'."

Rickers, 32, added: "We were stopped, not arrested, but they had to say 'we are holding you under the Anti-Terrorism Act because you're running around in flak jackets and a utility belt', and I said 'and please put spangly blue hairdryer' and he was, like, 'all right'."

So that would be the South Bank that is in front of the large ITV studio complex then?  Nice to know the police have got a good sitrep on the area they are patrolling.



h/t Yahoo News

Photographers demo today

Just been reading the great LegIron and he brings up the point that Al Johnson has just increased the nation's security alert level to DEFCON 1 saying:

“I should stress that there is no intelligence to suggest than an attack is imminent"

Well, that'll be the photographers then.  Coincidence?  Possibly, but I never trust this government one inch after the catalogue of catastrophes they have created under their incompetent watch.

I'll leave it up to Sergeant Phil Esterhaus to say:

Hey, let's be careful out there

Make your own Conservative poster

h/t Leg-Iron

Power Cuts like it's 1979

Fucking Labour - on the UPS, last bar of power and I have a deadline for the USA.

Cnuts.

Pat Condell says "Thank god for Andy Choudary"

But with his usual twist on the situation.

Youtube

I've found the 30% who vote Labour!

A thick, deluded, partisan, ignorant, non-thinking idiot standing next to a Labour activist

Ever wondered why Labour still hold 30% of the voting slice?  I did.  And now I know why and where.

Some old crone on LBC this morning rabbled on and on and said the most ridiculous, partisan claptrap and refused to be corrected.  She said:

• Tony Blair inherited a country that had a terrible debt in 1997
• The Thatcher government was more corrupt than this Labour governement
• We had 3 million unemployed in 1997
• Gordon Brown had reduced this debt and had given more workers jobs
• The hospitals are better and the schools are better
• Interest rates were apparently 16% in 1997 when Tony Blair took over
• We had three day weeks under Thatcher

The worse thing about the conversation, is that despite the evidence proffered by James Max, she refused to believe it, like an eco-scientist receiving a collection of Hadley CRU emails.

This, dear reader, is where your labour voting slice comes from.  Thick, ignorant, partisan individuals who refused to open their eyes and think for themselves.

We live in a country where people unquestionably believe what they are told.

Prescott Impersonators destroy house

A floor collapsed beneath a group of about 20 members of Weight Watchers as they gathered to compare how many pounds they had shed over Christmas.

Obviously they all suffer from "glandular" problems and absolutely nothing to do with the ingestion of 300 KFC bargain buckets and a wheelbarrow full of cakes a day.

Fat greedy fuckers.

Times Online

Andrew Neil feeling Brave

h/t Swiss Bob

Norm's blogging, and he's quite good

Lord Tebbit is blogging on the Telegraph and now has written his second post.  It's is very well written and has some good humour in it.  My favourite line:

It seems to me that our masters these days are willing to use a carrot and stick approach, but they almost always use the stick on the poor old donkey’s nose and inflict a terrible indignity on the beast with the carrot at its other end.

Norman Tebbit's blog

Jabba Brown and Salacious Balls

Ed Balls is Gordon Brown's Salacious Crumb

Songs from inside my helmet

h/t Keith Law

In the cold, bleak winter, won't someone remember the windmills?

Remember those windmills that will protect us from the peak oil theory and help remove all those nasty CO2 emitting power stations that are killing our cheeeldren?

Well, what do you notice about winter weather when it's particularly cold?  Yes, that's right: there's no wind and a still breeze an unproductive windmill makes.

From A Problem With Wind, this particularly damning observation often overlooked by those blinded by simplistic green rhetoric is the final twist of the knife into the folly that is wind technology when managing a country's energy demand:

Denmark (population 5.3 million) has over 6,000 turbines that produced electricity equal to 19% of what the country used in 2002.

Yet no conventional power plant has been shut down.

Because of the intermittency and variability of the wind, conventional power plants must be kept running at full capacity to meet the actual demand for electricity. Most cannot simply be turned on and off as the wind dies and rises, and the quick ramping up and down of those that can be would actually increase their output of pollution and carbon dioxide (the primary "greenhouse" gas).

So when the wind is blowing just right for the turbines, the power they generate is usually a surplus and sold to other countries at an extremely discounted price, or the turbines are simply shut off.

So, whenever any eco-nazi starts going on about how windmills will save the cheeeldren, remind them of the above.

If you have time, read the information at the link - there are summaries but for the more technically minded, there are some good pieces about energy management and the distruptions caused by windmill trials, especially in Germany for instance.

The BBC at its biased best

It looks like Nick Robinson's blog is going into overdrive as he once again desperately tries to make up for the slow start to the failed coup attempt on Gordon Brown.  Guido and Tory Bear were reporting the news after midday.

The BBC have been piling on the toadying to Not-quite-so-new Labour, completely removing all but the mere hint of a whisper of the Tories from the front pages.

It was rumours abound as Peter "will he, or won't he arrive at Newsnight" Mandelson finally buckled under pressure from Mr Dale to cast his spell over Gordon's inevitable descent into oblivion.

David Vance of Biased BBC fame has report the "sheer pro-Labour entertainment value" of James Naughtie's Today program, where once again the BBC are giving a platform for Labour MPs to get their daily message out unhindered and unchallenged, liberally sprinkled with the usual "nasty Tories" rhetoric.

And of course, best leave it up to the ineffable Pie Muncher Puncher to summarise the situation with his erudite demeanour delivered using a syntax that has upset many a Babelfish:

Depressing rates by bringing in cheaper foreigners

From the Times Online:

Tens of thousands of foreign IT workers are being sent to work for their companies’ subsidiaries in Britain, sparking fears that British workers are being denied job opportunities.

Almost 30,000 non-EU technology workers entered the country under so-called intra-company transfers last year, with the overwhelming majority coming from India.

Most of those arriving came for low and mid-level IT jobs where there are not significant skills shortages among British-born workers, fuelling suspicion that British workers are losing out to foreign workers who are being paid lower wages.

This has been going on for years and is quite prevalent in the IT industry. It affects mainly the contract and temp staff whose value to a company is for a temporary resource to help with varying short term workloads or to provide expertise that the company does not have currently.

The reason why companies do not employ new permanent members of staff (perms) under these conditions is that often the costs of permanent employment is much more than the contract staff when you take into account of pensions, health, training, sickness cover, paid holidays and other hidden intangible costs.

Which is why sometimes perms look at the contractor’s hourly rate and think they contractors are overpaid. What perms fail to understand is that out of this hourly rate they have to pay employers NI, employees NI, business costs, often IR35 and S660 applies, indemnity insurances, executive pensions, training costs and membership fees and of course, make cover costs of being out of work and ill. The costs incurred by the perms are normally paid for by perm’s parent company and are part of its operating costs.

Funnily enough, as they are only paid for turning up to work, contractors aren’t often as sick as perms! :)

A rule of thumb to compare equivalent salaries and rates is to take the hourly rate (say £30/hour) and times it by £1,000 to get the equivalent permanent salary of £30,000.

So there is an attraction to keep contractors on for cost purposes and sometimes political: I know of one major company that prefers to employ contractors rather than perms because the headcount numbers are smaller.

Back to the main topic: it is impossible for morons like Phil Woolas to say that we’re protecting British jobs and we have checks in place to stop abusing this system, because companies have been abusing this system for years, importing cheap labour from abroad and depressing contractor rates.

One way companies do this is to advertise a job way, way below market value so no-one applies for it. They can then say “we advertised this job, no one took it, it must be a skill’s shortage” and then bring in Cap Gemini or someone who supply the cheap labour through the ICT system.

Another way I have had personal experience with is that a company finishes a project, sacks a load of perms saying times are tough, creates a subsidiary company in India, starts up another project, and brings over cheap labour internally.

As I said, no-one cared about the IT industry – it was full of boring geeks. However, now this practise occurs in many other industries, such as Finance, Oil & Gas, Medical and all of a sudden people are starting to wake up.

I left contracting behind many years ago and now work B2B with my own company, but government and EU are still destroying a very important part of our wealth producing economy and I hope to see this Labour government, who instigated most of the above, being completely wiped out in May.

Wootton Basset - should Islam4UK be allowed to protest?

Photo h/t Marc Vallée

Because I believe in the concept of Freedom of Speech, however distasteful I find the raison d'être of Islam4UK, it should go ahead. The town Wootton Bassett where the bodies of fallen servicemen and women pass through has obviously been chosen for maximum inflammatory effect and is simply anathema to any person with a sense of honour.

If the police allow the protest to go ahead, I would imagine some trouble would inevitably occur and the MSM will be sensationalising what it can to sell as many papers as possible.

However, it prompted me to think about another scenario: what would the reaction of the country and the state be during the 1940’s if people marched in one of our cities protesting in support of National Socialism, the Occult replacing Christianity or telling the British government to get out of German occupied countries?

Would they accept large numbers of German countrymen into their homelands and allow them to march around and jeer pro-National Socialist views at our soldiers, or would they be arrested and in the case of British nationals, be tried for treason?

We are effectively at war with Iraq and Afghanistan. Are there sufficient differences today compared with the 1940s for us to turn a blind eye?  The caveat "we are at war against terrorism only" absolve the above actions?

Taekwondo monkeys!

h/t The Telegraph Online

Lo Wung taught the monkeys taekwondo so they could entertain crowds and make him rich, but the monkeys soon tired of their communist enslavement.  Suddenly, they were presented with an opportunity and quickly turned on their dictator:

"The primates turned the tables on their trainer when he slipped during a show, with one quick-thinking monkey flooring him with a kick to the head.  I saw one punch him in the eye - he grabbed another by the ear and it responded by grabbing his nose. They were leaping and jumping all over the place. It was better than a Bruce Lee film."

But, the anti-communist uprising was soon thwarted.

"He was really furious, he made the monkeys kneel on the ground with their hands tied behind their backs to punish them and make them show remorse for their nasty attack."

Fantastic! Art imitating life.  Off to the monkey Gulag for you lot then.

Fuck you, Carter-Fuck

h/t Iain Dale's Blog

Update: Here on Wikileaks

Walt Darling's Inanimate PBR Fantasia Special

Well, I was going to comment on that load of fantasy tripe from the bungling Badger, but I'll leave it to a reader of the Spectator Coffee House to sum it up:

What does it really matter what he says? In any case, he's not aiming this crap at you, or anyone else capable of understanding it.

This fantasy land stuff is designed to impress most of the people who contributed to this morning's Radio 5 Live phone in.

Basically, the kind of people, who, by any right measure, are too thick to be allowed to vote, never mind understand left wing fiscal chicanery.

Quite.

 

 

Scandalous CRU Climategate AlGore-ithm exposed

h/t Cube Antics

As you can see, (potentially) valid temperature station readings were taken and skewed to fabricate the results the “scientists” at the CRU wanted to believe, not what actually occurred.

The suspect code here for software developers:

;
; Apply a VERY ARTIFICAL correction for decline!!
;
yrloc=[1400,findgen(19)*5.+1904]
valadj=[0.,0.,0.,0.,0.,-0.1,-0.25,-0.3,0.,-0.1,0.3,0.8,1.2,1.7,2.5,2.6,2.6,2.6,2.6,2.6]*0.75   ; fudge factor
if n_elements(yrloc) ne n_elements(valadj) then message,'Oooops!'
 
yearlyadj=interpol(valadj,yrloc,timey)

Guido's Caption Contest

More "green" madness

Britain cuts down forests to keep ‘green’ power stations burning

The Times Online

Whether you believe in Allah, the Great Spaghetti Monster, powdered rhino horn being an aphrodisiac, Anthropomorphic Global Warming and other such nonsense, this has to be the biggest dose of green irony I've ever seen - worse than the windmill debacle.

Let me point out a few obvious things:-

1. Cutting down, processing and transporting the wood from Canada and South America by ship is burning how much fossil fuel?  Cutting requires fossil fuel and emits carbon dioxide.  Processing the wood requires fossil fuel and emits carbon.  Transporting requires fossil fuel and emits carbon.

2. Biomass fuelled power stations are typically less efficient than coal burning or fuel gas power stations.  Often, like the "green" windmills, they work in conjunction with fossil fuel burning power stations, so you won't completely eliminate the fossil fuel burning side of it.

3. The wood often has to be processed before burning (drying or converting into biomass pellets), costing more energy.

4. The irony of cutting down the very thing that naturally can convert carbon dioxide into oxygen.

5. This strikes me more of desperately addressing the imposed EU Landfill Directive by incinerating waste rather than dumping it in landfills.

6. What's wrong with coal? Plenty of it here.

7. The eco-nazis are wailing that it's a good thing because the trees will come from sustainable forests.  Fast growing trees can grow between 6-10ft a year.  Depending on demand, this could strip an enormous area very quickly while waiting for the trees to reach maturity.  And the fertilizers required for fast growth?  Replanting? Energy, energy, energy.


I get concerned that the arguments for AGW confused and blur the very distinct, cost effective and admirable pursuit of economies and conservation of fuel supplies.  This is simply an ill-thought out, contradictory, knee jerk to "greenism" and as such it is a perfect example of yet another doomed Liebour Party supported policy.

My Gordon and Mandy poster on Iain Dale's blog