"Fighting ‘them’ on the Sandwell"

Please visit Anna's site and spread the word about this gross injustice.

Waking up to Oona King in the morning

I awoke to the shrill sound of socialist bollocks being transmitted over LBC on the Ferrari show, today hosted by James Whale.  Oona King was there obviously to promote her chances of becoming the Labour representative for the next London Mayor and as always, simply does not accept or get why she and her party were thrown out at the last election.

She thinks the coalition should not cut spending because millions will be thrown onto the scrapheap like they were when Thatcher was in power.

Fortunately help was at hand by the deluge of listeners and emails that accused her beloved Labour party of always leaving the country in a bankrupt state by spending all the family silver.  One angry listener challenged Oona as to whether she had managed a balance sheet?  Oona in her best defence said "of course" before listing a load of public sector non-job and fake charity positions that she previously worked in. 

So that would be a no then.

Then, with that irritating, condescending, sarcastic chuckle she always adopts when she says something that she thinks is obvious and yet we howl into the air at her righteous indignation and blindness in the unworkable ideology held onto so dearly by socialists, she compares the spending cuts to this fantastic analogy:

"Well, you don't panic and rush to pay off your mortgage earlier, do you?"

Good god.  Don't let this woman within sniffing distance of a budget.  Even James Whale had a go at her alongside some more irate listeners.

With her radar warning receiver flashing hotter than a set of Christmas tree lights, she dumped the chaff and flares that are employed by an ambushed socialist saying: "are there any Labour voters out there?", "what about the NHS?" followed by the classic, Thatcher's misquote, "there's no such thing as society".

A hideous, hideous woman with a hideous, hideous belief in a misguided ideology.

Tactical Nuclear Penguin

I was privileged the other day to try some of this remarkable beer. It’s Tactical Nuclear Penguin by BrewDog and is an amazing 32% ABV. How do they do this?

They achieve this high alcohol content by freezing the beer and removing the water that freezes and draining off the liquid which is richer in alcohol (which freezes at a much lower temperature). It is also matured so it tastes quite mellow with hints of charcoal and chocolate.

It is £35 per 330ml bottle but to be honest, it’s a sipping beer and I wouldn’t want to drink more than one at a time.

Cheers!

Update: the great Dick Puddlecote has a post showing a new one by BrewDog: The End of History, made by BrewDog of Fraserburgh, Aberdeenshire, is 55% and £500 a bottle

Jeff Randall: Peter the Great's poisonous pen will do Britain a power of good

Wonderful paragraph:

It is where a dysfunctional clique took the United Kingdom into an illegal war, dismantled border controls, encouraged unprecedented immigration, debased educational standards, attacked the independence of our best schools and universities, botched devolution, eroded British sovereignty, pumped up a consumer debt bubble, ran our private pension system into the ground, messed up financial regulation and wrecked the country's balance sheet.

Also came across a great comment:

Despite endless warnings from history, people like this constantly find themselves in positions of power. Elected, I presume by the kind of people who think history should be ignored because it has the word 'tory' in it.

Telegraph

Guido's PMQs LiveChat: Schools Out for Summer Edition

Where Guido's window lickers come and gather, to blather and let rip their feelings on all things politics as the MPs assemble for the Wednesday lunchtime ritual of Prime Minister's Question Time.

A maelstrom of lexicon, a staccato of snipes, an orgy of aggressive and jocular banter hosted by Guido.

Did you miss the funny one liners from Messrs Ward, Sinatra, Stone and Scratcher?!?

Well fear not - here are the highlights and if Harman's head explodes Scanner style, then god forgive you for not being there to laugh out loud on Guido's Live Chat!


What's for lunch Carlos

Still MIA


Theresa May Spacesuit Watch

Dick Scratcher: @Geeks: FYI T May was wearing her cosmonaut outfit on ITN last night - it did not get burnt on re-entry


Harman's "Big Game" Safari watch

Govt-By-Cluster-Fuck: is that a prison uniform jacket ? and doesnt she own an iron ?

Wight Tory: Tom Watsons Suit is being worn, he's gone for her giraffe number

Tuscan Tony: Looking at the jacket, does Harriet work part time in a butchers' shop?


Hain (and Cam) Pantone Watch

Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 817B (NYPD basketball)


TeatherWatch

MIA


Dodgy Tie of the Week

Tiewatcher: Clegg has a new tie - he usually goes for plain ones

John Ward: Neutral tie for Clegg today...

Beware of Geeks: Very blue tie for Ozzie

manceyy: Georges tie is V bold

Billy Blofeld: Ties sponsored by British Gas

GV: There's nothing wrong with Osborne's tie - it fits snugly over his beer belly

Tiewatcher: Dave Anderson: that shirt and tie don't match your suit


Labour parody of the Week

Proud to be Labour: Labour will destroy Cameron on BSF. Labour builds schools. Tories tear them down to set up dangerous free-market experiments.


Best line of the Week

Tuscan Tony: Expensive drugs - Osbourne springs awake.


Highlights

John Ward: This week has been a good justification for using public funds for clearing out a Moat...

Spank Sinatra: Here's hoping harpic has a niqab on

.243 Win: Spank : Head-mounted bin liner would be better....

Old Holborn: I'm going on a Calais booze cruise. Dressed in a Burqa

Old Holborn: Is that a chimpanzee mask he's wearing?

.243 Win: Someone's given her a good raging if the hair's anything to go by

Old Holborn: ARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Raoul Moat: Thats what I said OH

Old Holborn: Yvette looking like a fat sad Phil Oakey from Human League

Balls is bonkers: Yvette Balls is wearing a vest

Dick the Prick: Are Harperson's breasts trying to break free?

Rog: Harm-man's zoot suit is melting my retinas.

Tuscan Tony: Gordon is at the 3rd level of sedation.

Dick Scratcher: Harpic has an ego the size of Michelle Obama’s ass

Rog: Yvette has obviously upped her medication. Either that or had a stroke.

Beware of Geeks: When's bonker's book coming out?

.243 Win: Geeks : When someone can decypher the crayon marks.

Tuscan Tony: Police force in Hackney should be 40% rasta.

Old Holborn: Yvette has borrowed Mick Hucknells face

Rog: OH: I think she turned it inside out before wearing it.

Dick Scratcher: Yvette really DOES deserve a good piping today

Tuscan Tony: Which pipe, Scratcher?

Guido Fawkes: You see Ed Balls was having a drink with Bevanite Ellie on the terrace last night before Yvette dragged him away.

Old Holborn: Nice to see George Mellie's suit went to as good home

John Ward: From George Melly to Harpy SMelly.

Tuscan Tony: Will she ask Dave if he knows anyone mad and bad?

Dick Scratcher: Oliver Letwin = Rubenesque artists model

Dick the Prick: Olly Letwin looks ripe for a heart attack

Beware of Geeks: I think Ozzie is straining for another bowl breaker

The whole of Wales: does that mean we'll have to get a job boyos?

.243 Win: Mad, bad, sad Nads. But you still would.

John Ward: Francis Maude seems to have some residual chewing gum in his mouth...

Guido Fawkes: Go on iPSA starve the b*******s

Ghost of Greg Stone: jeez is he never going to get to a Q?

Beware of Geeks: I hear he charges £1/h for public speaking - he's now a millionaire!

Dick Scratcher: I predict a rabbit

Dorian Smith: I like maguire's photo, was it taken when he was in a boy band?

Dick Scratcher: Robertson = 250lb Haggis

Old Holborn: he's had plenty of hot dinners

Rog: Pie disappearance mystery solved. Close the case.

Old Holborn: Is that a norman helmet she's wearing?

Beware of Geeks: Ding dong!

Beware of Geeks: Christ, I should have gone to Specsavers

Dick the Prick: @BoG - stop, desist, restrain and prevent

Afghanistan Banana Stand: Geeks: you need new glasses

Guido Fawkes: Can't believe 13% of you are suicidal.

John Ward: I can't even pronounce his constituency name...

Tuscan Tony: Expensive drugs - Osbourne springs awake.

Guido Fawkes: Time for the pub, would the 11% of you who are suicidal go out and get some sunshine.

Guido's PMQs LiveChat: All Hungover Together Edition

Where Guido's window lickers come and gather, to blather and let rip their feelings on all things politics as the MPs assemble for the Wednesday lunchtime ritual of Prime Minister's Question Time.

A maelstrom of lexicon, a staccato of snipes, an orgy of aggressive and jocular banter hosted by Guido.

Did you miss the funny one liners from Messrs Ward, Sinatra, Stone and Scratcher?!?

Well fear not - here are the highlights and if Harman's head explodes Scanner style, then god forgive you for not being there to laugh out loud on Guido's Live Chat!


What's for lunch Carlos?

Old Holborn: Carlos has obviously starved to death

John Ward: Well, in Carlos' absence, my early lunch was Ardenne pate, with a nice salad, toast and some of that Canti Merlot-Sangiovese.

Dick Scratcher: Carlos was playing up front for Uruguay last night...he'll be back next week.


Theresa May Spacesuit Watch

Beware of Geeks: Theresa May not wearing the spacesuit


Harman's "Big Game" Safari watch

Dorian Smith: What will it be from Harriet this week, the Mr Byrite look, the mutant giraffe look, or the Abigail's Party look?

John Ward: Turn down the brightness on your TVs, folks: it's Harman in white!


Hain (and Cam) Pantone Watch

Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 813C (Dutch Delight) …topical eh?


TeatherWatch

MIA


Dodgy Tie of the Week

torybear: Clegg celebrating the Dutch win with his tie?

Rog: Cleggs tie sponsored by Easyjet?

Roger Thornhill: Clegg appears to have a slice of Hain's skin hanging around his neck

John Ward: I suspect Clegg's tie is a deliberate reminder that he is really a Lib Dem and not Cameron's pet.


Best line of the Week

Old Holborn: bet she's got a tw@t like a black cat with it's throat cut


Highlights

Labour bankrupted the UK: Can we have a "Spot the Gordon" competition instead on the DP?

Bobby Bobberson: Harriet will be using the pissed off stoat looks this week.

Dorian Smith: Someone should tell Bercow he's never going to get taller.

Dick Scratcher: Bercow walked in on his wife last night...

Old Holborn: What? Somaliland? Can we send Bristol back now then?

Hugh Jardon: I can't stand semolina

Dorian Smith: George looks miserable because he has to look at the opposition benches, it would depress most people.

Beware of Geeks: Now he looks like he's straining a bowl breaker!

John Ward: Engerland swings like a pendulum do...

Old Holborn: colombo raincoat

Dick Scratcher: "...can I ask you one more question?"

Dorian Smith: Spot on about Columbo, when she gets to the 6th question will she say "just one more question Sir"?

Dick Scratcher: Ken Clarke = loose Frank Cannon

John Bercow: What the **** does she have round her neck?

John Ward: Ah, that's her asp round the neck...

Old Holborn: She sounds like the woman on a Tesco customer service desk

niallpaterson: This is turning into an episode of Some Mothers Do Have Em

the last quango in paris: david miliband just scared the life out of me with his staring

Old Holborn: We don't need more police, we need less crime

John Ward: "The chair has resigned". How can furniture resign?

Dorian Smith: Please HH, run for the leadership, more missed open goals than in the world cup

Old Holborn: We ARE a prison ship. HMP Open Prison Britain

Spank Sinatra: I think I would prefer white noise rather than listen to her

alekboyd: Labour actually took more than economic lessons from Argentina...

Dick Scratcher: ...stab proof vests available in pink now

Smig: Brought crime down by giving the slackers enough beer and sky tv to keep them comfortable. They didnt have to burgle then.

Dick Scratcher: Afghans = like pushing cats into a cupboard

Spank Sinatra: Press F1 for english

Alistair Campbell: I hate being bi polar. It's awesome!!

John Ward: My mum says that there's one think about John: he was always trying. I *think* it was a compliment...

Beware of Geeks: Is Ken Clarke's alien love child about to burst from that portly, incubating belly?

Lobbydog: PMQs, now Bercow defending PM. Like a ref who books a player to even out a previous poor decision.

Dick Scratcher: K Clarke morphing into Churchill

Beware of Geeks: "Never, in the field of human conflict has an alien burst forth from my belly...never!"

John Ward: Well, Geeks, as that fellow in the movie must have thought: that Hurt!

Dennis Skinner MP: can I ask the prime minister when the bar's open, I need a drink

Hugh Jardon: would this be an opportune moment to mention the time that I may have spurted my curd all over the fullsome Katy D??

Dick Scratcher: Nick Brown hates the hose pipe ban...

Spank Sinatra: A tellytubby speaks

Billy Blofeld: Wee Willie Tw@t

Roehamster: Bloke with beard looks like that optical illusion that is a head both ways up.

Dick Scratcher: Gordon Broon = the Peter Ridsdale of politics

Old Holborn: **** me, he's had more hot dinners than I've had hot dinners

Mustafa Mohammed: Vote early, vote often

moss: Semper in excremento sum, solum profunditas mutat

Rog: Osborne set to glum factor 9.

Dick Scratcher: De Piero has a warm front

Beware of Geeks: I'd come on a green bench for Gloria

Old Holborn: bet she's got a tw@t like a black cat with it's throat cut

John Ward: I thought a Piero was a French clown...

wallaceme: @VizTopTips BOUNCERS - defy stereotypes by going mental and attacking people with guns instead of your fists.

Guido's PMQs LiveChat: Budget Bashing Edition

Where Guido's window lickers come and gather, to blather and let rip their feelings on all things politics as the MPs assemble for the Wednesday lunchtime ritual of Prime Minister's Question Time.

A maelstrom of lexicon, a staccato of snipes, an orgy of aggressive and jocular banter hosted by Guido.

Did you miss the funny one liners from Messrs Ward, Sinatra, Stone and Scratcher?!?

Well fear not - here are the highlights and if Harman's head explodes Scanner style, then god forgive you for not being there to laugh out loud on Guido's Live Chat!


What's for lunch Carlos?

MIA


Theresa May Spacesuit Watch

MIA


Harman's "Big Game" Safari watch

Beware of Geeks: No giraffe suit - bah

Ghost of Greg Stone: Zebra to the right


Hain (and Cam) Pantone Watch

Dick Scratcher: Cameron Pantone Reference : 817F (Volcanic Andre)

Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 810B (Spring Gavin Henson)


TeatherWatch

MIA


Dodgy Tie of the Week

Tom FD: clegg wearing a red tie?


Star Trek Watch

Beware of Geeks: Star Trek refeerence

gone fuckin mental: black hole

Ghost of Greg Stone: Star trek joke fell flat this week

Should_Be_Working: More Star Trek stuff?

Posh Tory: Hate to point out that you can't dig in a black hole...


Talon Watch

Roger Thornhill: Careful Cameron, you appear to be catching the curse of the claw


Labour parody of the Week

Heard it all before dave: PFIs still exist, they are tory policy, deficit reduction, no, they increase the deficit. Dave's full of **** and is merely consolidating his and his fellow millionaires' wealth.


Best line of the Week

John Ward: *Vince* Cable TV!!


Highlights

Dick Scratcher: Dismal Dave = dolphin friendly twat

obangobang: Nandy's handy, apparently.

Dick Scratcher: Stand by for a repeat of the scene from ‘Scanners’ when Harperson’s head explodes

Barry Fuckwit: Has Dave got his mum sat next to him?

Dorian Smith: Oh dear, hereeeeeeee's Michael White!

Tiewatcher: Spag Bollocks

gone fuckin mental: 3-0 from the back

Dick Scratcher: Smash - right in the back of the neck

Beware of Geeks: It's funny hearing Labour having a go at the Tories - it's like blaming your morning dump on your neighbour's carpet.... on your neighbour!

Spank Sinatra: Oh sit down you little runt

Should_Be_Working: Cameron's not straight? Does Samantha know?

Beware of Geeks: Geek-onomics surely

obangobang: I'd like to wish England the best of luck tomorrow on their journey home

obangobang: Cristophe Lamby Pie?

Ghost of Greg Stone: Fusion research for the coalition?

Spank Sinatra: Large hadron collider couldn't make them love each other

13eastie: DC appears to have found Carol Caplin's sun-bed in the attic of No. 10

Beware of Geeks: What's that? Vevuzelas, thousands of them!

Roger Thornhill: Bercow sounds like he is calling out "Cashier number four, please"

Dick Scratcher: I’ve worked out why Dismal Dave gave the cosmonaut the Home Office – he parks his bike in her cleavage

Beware of Geeks: Andrew Selous like Petit Filous!

John Ward: "Mmm. Port Salut!"

Ghost of Greg Stone: Thats cheesy John Ward

John Ward: I know, Ghost, but I'm just a softy. When I'm being hard, I go for blue Stilton.

Dick the Prick: Whoa - need a distillery to shag that

Should_Be_Working: We forecast that the number of children living under Labour will be zero.

Dick the Prick: Peter Bone - hee hee hee

Dick Scratcher: Cow in house

Spank Sinatra: This guy does not have opposable thumbs

MisterE: Blimey - she hasn't missed many dinners...

Dick Scratcher: Who is that fat bastard?

John Ward: Diane Abbott, I think, or John Prescott...

Beware of Geeks: The bastard spinster of Abbot and Prescott's affair

Dick Scratcher: She has 2 Jags for lunch

Ghost of Greg Stone: Stuff Sinn Fein

Dick Scratcher: Can you hear ticking?

John Ward: Surely Hexham (from its name) should have *six* pubs?

jgm2: Surely Hexham should have six pigs. I think I slept with all of them.

Beware of Geeks: Ozzie looks like he's about to throw up - been to a good party last night - drink, coke and hookers

keeprightonline: I'm so sound they've started calling me 'Vuvuzela'... also coz I'm annoying as ****

Sir Trev Skint MP: Just in case there are any Talybunnies listening

Ghost of Greg Stone: Fog in Channel, Continent isolated.

Spank Sinatra: Diane Abbot's black hole? Yuk

Wanted Poster

Much fun to be found here

Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Missed all the banter on Guido's Live PMQs? Can't be bothered to trawl through pages of the windowlicking scribblings of the demented? Want to see the highlights in one easy to digest posting?

Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Harman's Second Chance Edition

What's for lunch Carlos

MIA



Theresa May Spacesuit Watch

MIA



Harman's "Big Game" Safari watch

old holborn: harman, giraffe or camo?

Beware of Geeks: Giraffe I hope OH - I've got my big hunting rifle in anticipation

old holborn: nope, shes borrowed a sparkly suit from Oxfam

old holborn: liberace wants his jacket back after

old holborn: she looks like a badly stuffed sofa

John Ward: That's an old, original Cyberman costume that Harman's wearing: I recognise that shine anywhere!



Hain Pantone Watch

Dick Scratcher: Peter Hain Pantone Ref : 817D (Dickinson Teak)



TeatherWatch

MIA



Dodgy Tie of the Week

Tiewatcher: Miller: bad choice of tie for that shirt

Tiewatcher: Stuart Andrew tie acceptable

Tiewatcher: dramatic tie fail in row behind. brown and pink not a good fashion combination

Tiewatcher: carswell - not a good look - stripes, checks, and non matching tie. poor.

Tiewatcher: Elfyn's tie not bad but better with a navy suit



Star Trek Watch

.243 Win: CMD on Star Trek watch !

Beware of Geeks: Star Trek watch from Cam!!!

Northern Tory: treckie

Hugh Janus: Star Trek!

Dick Scratcher: Mandy has trouble with Klingons

adamboulton: HH: does he agree unemployment is never a price worth paying. DC: Labour leadership election looks like a star trek convention. Apologize!

John Ward: Star Trek/leadership connection: well, they have a Uhura in the running, though no Scotties...




Talon Watch

.243 Win: How long before we see a Harman claw ?

Beware of Geeks: @243 - talon, surely?

.243 Win: Geeks : OK, "talon watch" it is.....

Smig: Where is Harm men's clunking fist? I misst the mic being battered.

John Ward: Harman'd Got Talons!"

Ghost of Greg Stone: Pointy claw again


Labour parody of the Week

Proud to be Labour: Only the public sector can save Britain. We need a big investment in the public sector - at the cost of the private sector. The private sector ebbs and flows, but the public sector is eternal.



Best line of the Week

mort: damn my dog just farted... oddly it smells better than the labour party!


Highlights

torybear: Will be on Sky News at 7pm. Discussing banking reform, but most importantly - beard or no beard?

Beware of Geeks: @ToryBear - borrow a merkin

John Ward: I don't think ToryBear was referring to Harman (as per preceding comments here) w.r.t. the "beard"...

Dick Scratcher: Ken Clarke has a mirkin

Dick Scratcher: Harperson has a beard cos she's had too many facelifts

old holborn: god, it's bloody hogwarts

John Ward: OH yes! The Tin (Har-)Man!

.243 Win: Wasn't the tin-thing looking for a heart ? Oddly appropriate...

Beware of Geeks: I see Lurch has returned to support Harman

.243 Win: The old advert campaign was right : Harpic : Clean round the bend....

stew: that grumblehound next to harperson is giving me the creeps. i'm off for a Radox bath

old holborn: Michael White really is a weapons grade bellend

Dr Bombastic: Pudsey - does he represent teddy bears?

Tiewatcher: who's the creepy looking Mr Bean lookalike down the end of the Govt frontbench?

Keith josephs head: In the wide shot is that the Green Party Bird siiting with clear space either sideof her? she must smell funny

Dick Scratcher: Ainsworth is fixing his Cortina at the weekend

.243 Win: Looks like one of those purple things you get in a tin of Quality Street.

Spank Sinatra: I always spit those purple ones out

Smig: Blunket playing a blinder on the backbenches

Dorian Smith: Can we at least get rid of Michael White's photo, almost bad as his pompous posts

Beware of Geeks: Corr, Sir White pouring out the snipes today - he's been on the sherry again?

Dick Scratcher: Thank God T May is not in that strapless dress

mort: damn my dog just farted... oddly it smells better than the labour party!

Beware of Geeks: I do wish that alien implant would break out of Ken Clarke live on TV - that would be a scoop

old holborn: why do we need hill farmers? Holland doesn't

mort: MW: just sod off and find a choirboy for your fun you gormless twat

Wearyside: just noticed Ken Clark is still alive,, I had a lovely dream last night he was involved in a hideous accident involving penguins and a chainsaw :(

Hugh Janus: Has Saint Vince got a bad attack of piles?

Doktorb: Graham Brady - a cartoon version of Prince William

Dick Scratcher: Fur berger

mort: guido please lose the MW twits he is worse than a muslim at a an army parade

John Ward: Ah, the Munsters had another daughter!

old holborn: Wednesday Addams

Beware of Geeks: Everyday Addams

.243 Win: OH : Surely shold be "Sabbath Addams" ?

Spank Sinatra: Check your hub caps - scouser alert

TNT: She could suck a golf ball through a hose pipe

Dick Scratcher: Lammy : "2+2=5"

Spank Sinatra: Who do you think deregulated betting you twat?

Dick Scratcher: Thought Lammy could have done that with a rap - a la John Barnes

Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Missed all the banter on Guido's Live PMQs? Can't be bothered to trawl through pages of the windowlicking scribblings of the demented? Want to see the highlights in one easy to digest posting?

Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Harman's Second Chance Edition



What's For Lunch Carlos?

MIA



Theresa May Spacesuit Watch

Beware of Geeks: I've spied Theresa May - she's wearing the spacesuit again!

dmh: Theresa May-space 1999 oufit.

Steve Expat: Theresa in the space suit again!

Harman's "Big Game" Safari watch

Steve Expat: no giraffe suit this week

Spank Sinatra: Good grief - my screen's having a fit!

Beware of Geeks: Just gonna get my hunting rifle

Old holborn: get a shotgun, all of you, quick

Dick the Prick: Spilt Jack's spunk over her

Billy Blofeld: Is that some sort of urban camoflage on Hattie?

John Ward: We're back to the original giraffe outfit this week, rather than the backup one we saw last week...

Dick Scratcher: She's wearing a sofa

Hain Pantone Watch

Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone ref - 818B (Belisha Pepper)

TeatherWatch

The little hamster pixie was missing



Dodgy Tie of the Week

Ghost of Greg Stone: Hague with a yellow tie the coalition is going too far

Robson S: Hague got the mustard tie on and growing the hair back a la Ming - has he been traded to the LibDems? Tessa Jowell looks like Rosa Klebb on downers - not even that dress will cheer her up. Probably thinking of how Berlisconi cocked things up for Millsy

Tiewatcher: Hague favours yellow ties - classic lt blue shirt / yellow tie combo, always good with a navy suit

Bill Quango MP: Its not a yellow tie..its his judo belt

Spank Sinatra: Don't forget Hagues spandex outfit underneath however

Tiewatcher: Desmond Swayne's tie quite good - directly behind Cam

JULIAN BRAY DUCKHOUSE: cleggy gone green tie seen that one before >matalan

Tiewatcher: nice tie behind George Young

Tiewatcher: good effort from VInce on the tie front

Star Trek Watch

No Vulcans sighted



Claw Watch

Unsworth: Seems to have caught the box banging disease. Something on the Govt benches? Next, The Claw? Urgent medical assistance needed, I think.

Labour parody of the Week

Strangely absent



Best line of the Week

Dick Scratcher: Q: What is Diane Abbot going to do about defence? A: Paint it de same colour as de house.

Highlights

Steve Expat: Morning from somewhere hot and sunny!!

Beware of Geeks: Cleethorpes?

guidofawkes: Just did a bit of voguing to Daily Politics guess the year soundtrack. Memories..

Old holborn: anyone seen Gordon? Is he at the Priory?

Billy Blofeld: Not the Priory - Jonah's been hanging around BP a lot....

Old holborn: Great news about abolishing free school meals. Most kids round our way look like Jabba the ****ing Hut

Dick the Prick: Mr Spunker

Robson S: Gordon ever gonna show up? Watched that documentary on Nixon again last night - remarkable similarities with McDoom

Dick Scratcher: I thought glenoglaza was an Italian window shine ???

Beware of Geeks: Roger de Courcey's got a new job I see

Dick Scratcher: Let the sheep shaggers have independence & we'll take our public sector jobs out

Old holborn: Set the Welsh adrift

John Ward: Disdain from Hain, but he's a pain!

John Ward: Not so far Farronn as Faraway, I think...

Ghost of Greg Stone: Can you ban MichaelWhite Guido boring idiot

Dick the Prick: BAN STUFF NOW. Down with this sort of thing

Billy Blofeld: Hattie and Tessa look like they have dressed for Songs of Praise...

Head Lizard: Hague uses too much noggin polish

JULIAN BRAY DUCKHOUSE: Can't see Gordon Brown anywhere must be saving the world (cup)

Dick the Prick: Danger danger, high voltage high voltage

PSBCustard: Osborne looks as though he's dreaming of knocking one out over Harperson's tits

JULIAN BRAY DUCKHOUSE: hair by harmony... or har by harmony

Dick Scratcher: Beware of Geeks - who's the T shirt model on your website? Can I have her number?

Beware of Geeks: @Dick Scratcher - my man boobs

John Ward: Harman: "Um, let's think of a way to make this look like I'm right..."

Steve Expat: Shut up Hattie, I know you're not used to seeing an honest answer at PMQs but you got one!

Dick Scratcher: Eric Pickles wants an equal seat to Sarah Teather

Old holborn: Eric Pickles should have to win two seats

Billy Blofeld: Abbott and Balls - fantastic...

guidofawkes: Unconfirmed rumour that Diane Abbott has made it through

Beware of Geeks: @Guido - made it through? What, a morning without eating 18 cakes?

Dick Scratcher: Tessa Jowell is wearing the curtains...

Headsonpoles: Vote Abbot - or Spitfire or London Pride

Tom FD: may looks awful

Beware of Geeks: @Tom FD - It's what prolonged exposure to zero gravity does to you

guidofawkes: Hattie's comedian script writer shows her skills

Beware of Geeks: "Bring back Gordon!" Er, no sorry,.. nurse, my pills please

PSBCustard: You don't need CCTV. Just shoot all miscreants and put more bobbies on the beat.

Old holborn: Ed Balls is Alf Garnett LOVE IT

Old holborn: @Ed Balls "Blaaahdy Cooonns"

Bill Quango MP: In Sickness and in Health - ed and hattie

Old holborn: Ken Clark is nursing his unborn baby

Billy Blofeld: Wolverine's grandad

Spank Sinatra: Love the racoon hat

Old Holborn: osbourne is on "pause"

Dick Scratcher: Ozzy needs new batteries

Steve Expat: "Big is not always beautiful" - Kerry McCarthy?

Spank Sinatra: Lots of fish in Luton

Beware of Geeks: An equal opportunity haddock

Spank Sinatra: She could suck start a Harley

Dick Scratcher: Wasn't she on Property Ladder?

DS Need to be a strong ****ing ladder...

Old Holborn: We need high speed rail to get the heroin addled wife beaters back to Scotland asap

Dick Scratcher: Mandy wants to come on England

Quote of the Day: Dave's got more plants than a Vietnamese cannabis factory FFS.

What's the carbon footprint of a pint of beer?

I couldn't give a shit personally as all this global warming nonsense is just bollocks, but sometimes it can produce some nuggets of amusement.  From the great An Englishman's Castle blog, the host makes good a quip about the banality of a Guardianista journalist, fist deep in his frotting diatribe of carbon footprinting eco-onanism on the amount of CO2 released when producing a pint of beer and comparing it to the output from black tea production, when suddenly a comment appears that makes one chortle enough to have one reaching for the emergency bottle of cask strength Laphroaig:

Black tea? What a load of whining f*cking puritans.


My carbon footprint for beer can be seen on any hippy's back as I climb over the barbeque to get to the bar/fridge.

Thank you nbc!

I wish I could be like David Laws

Potentially could have been a great man in politics, intelligent, great business acumen, rights to a private life... whatever you feel about this guy, and I agree with most of the sentiments that have already been expressed by others, there's one repeatable nucleotide that seems to run through all the political elite's DNA:

Putting their self interest above the country.

It's obviously not the money is it?  Laws was a millionaire.  It's the fact that the political elite try to twist the system to benefit themselves once again.

If I try and put a "Thai massage with extras" though as a business expense, the HMRC would simply shake their collective wonk heads, wag their callus free manicured fingers and point me to EIM31660:

To be deductible from the earnings of an employment an expense must be incurred wholly and exclusively in the performance of the duties of the employment.

They would simply and quite rightly refuse it.  I know I shouldn't put this through as an expense, however complicated the tax rules are.

Laws knew.  He knew it was wrong.  He tried to use his sexuality to protect himself.  I'm sorry, but it is wrong.

We need FULL transparency, FULL accountability for EVERY penny claimed by the political elite and for them to be subjected to the same rules as the rest of us have with the HMRC.

Better still, simply remove the option of expenses from the political elite and let them chose and pay for the various services out of their "salaries" like the rest of us have to do in business.

An Appalling Question Time

I have to admit that I avoid watching the spectacle of farce and bias that has become the BBC's Question Time, but last night I joined David Vance and the crew from Biased BBC to watch the programme and comment on Live Chat.

Probably the worse edition of the programme I have seen. 

The programme kicked off by Dimbers saying that the new coalition government refused to place one of their ministers there unless they removed the failed spin doctor and yesterday's man, Alistair Campbell from the panel and replace him with a shadow minister.

Gavin Allen, the executive editor of Question Time said:

It is for Question Time, not political parties, to make judgements about impartiality and to determine who is invited to appear in the interests of the audience.

The remaining 59 minutes of the programme quickly nosedived into an orgy of Tory bashing, coalition critique and pro Labour propaganda, apart from one minor distraction of Piers Moron blaming Campbell for Iraq and asking him to apologise, which he naturally refused (for fear of opening a can of fake dossier worms).  Amusingly, someone in the audience at that moment jeered: "Dr Kelly". 

John Redwood initially took a surprisingly aggressive stance against Campbell throwing in plenty of blame for the mess we're in down to "Campbell's government".  Unfortunately, an audience packed with liberals clapping enthusiastically like seals whenever Campbell had finished his diatribes and the constant interruptions from Dimbers quickly quenched any semblance of a Tory viewpoint.

This is interesting in the fact that maybe, perhaps the new coalition have started to make a stand against the creep of "progressive" liberal bias that has infested the once great BBC.  Evidence of their complete lack of political impartiality is becoming more public and their ludicrous stance of "the science is settled within the BBC" and their zealous defence of anything regarding the eco-lunacy of the global warming bollocks and windmills variety is frankly staggering.

Could we be seeing the first battle lines being drawn between the new coalition government and the BBC?  Certainly, the BBC's anti-Tory rhetoric is growing stronger.  Do they sense their vast empire may be in danger as the new coalition starts to hack away at the gluttonous tentacles of the public sector?  Maybe.

You can all help with that process yourselves by cancelling your TV licences.  It's very easy to do.  Here's the number: 0844 800 6705.  Just say you want to cancel your licence, they don't ask you why and if they do, just say you don't watch any more telly.

More info here.

"Oi! You look like an alien, mate"...

...were the words some schoolkid shouted at me a few years ago while cycling with a helmet.  I didn't mind what he said, in actual fact, he was quite right, I did look like something from a Ridley Scott outtake with sweat pouring down my face.

A few months later I stopped wearing one, not because I was sensitive to the occasional insult thrown my way, but to the false sense of security it was providing.

Cycling on main roads is a daunting experience for most cyclists, especially in school rushhour with the blind panic of a herd of women rushing to pick up their precious cargo of spawn.

Would a helmet have protected me from the juggernaut that didn't stop at the roundabout I was traversing?

Would a helmet have protected me from the car that overtook me through a width restriction speed calming measure?

Would a helmet have protected me from the juggernaut that simply didn't give me enough room on the bend?

Would a helmet have protected me from the car that overtook me and then suddenly braked and turned sharply left in front of me?

The answer to all those questions is quite simply, no.

One of my personal objections to wearing a cycling helmet is not that it is an infringements of my individual rights, or that it look silly, it's the epitome of all that is wrong with the risk adverse, health and safety legislation that we are being subjected to on a daily basis.

Talk to some people that you do not wear a helmet and the response is a sharp intake of breath, a barrage of meaningless statistics and a wagging finger.

The unintended consequences of threatening people with immediate death if you do not wear a helmet is the fact that a false sense of security is nurtured within people believing that the safety gear makes them invincible to fast moving, solid objects.

Some people don the hi-vis vests and believe they are wearing the Breastplate Armour of Invicibility.

Some people don the alien helmet and believe they have been blessed with the Helm of Righteousness.

Some people don the cycling handwear and believe they are wearing the magic Gloves of Sauron.

The people I know that wear this gear, often jump on their bikes and cycle on the roads without a care, going through red lights, chatting away and paying no attention to what is behind them, in front of them and what is overtaking them.

By wearing all this protective gear they think they are shrouded in a magical force field that enables them to cycle through a roundabout in front of a 30 tonne juggernaut which will simply stop in a Matrix-esque "bullet time" fashion while the cycling hero darts in between Agents Ford, Daewoo and Audi unscathed.

No.  Ears and eyes, concentration and a constant reminder: you are the bottom feeder in this maelstrom of deadly missiles.

If I hear a lorry behind me impatiently trying to overtake, do I adopt the attitude of "It's my right to be on the road"?  No.  I pull over and let him pass.

If I see a width restriction or a parked car in front of me, do I pull out?  No.  I look behind me and with plenty of time, indicate and pull out slowly.  If the person hasn't seen me or I suspect will ignore me, I will stop on the side of the road.

If I approach a side road or a supermarket entrance, will I have a quick look around and carry on cycling?  No.  I slow down, look behind me, move out to the middle of the road and cover the brakes.

Cycling is great fun, even on the roads but I wouldn't cycle in busy city centres or dual carriageways if I could travel on quieter roads.

It's all about awareness of other drivers, their viewpoint and your own actions.  Wearing all the safety gear does not absolve you of these responsibilities, nor does it make you invincible.

Some interesting views here

A cracking retort to a liebour troll

h/t Speccie (Nicholas)

Richard the Dork - the only poster whose comments suggested an unpleasant combination of sweating and writhing was you.

Your copious and seemingly never ending posts in the run up to the election revealed with crystal clarity your narrow minded bias, your sweeping stereotypic dismissal of alternative political viewpoints and your swallowing, hook line and sinker, of the propaganda being generated by an unpleasant and unelected trio of New Labour spinners. It already sounded passé, the chip-shouldered blathering of one of last century's soviet surrogates, a rather empty head filled with preconceptive sloganism, socialist mythology and resentment rather than any objectivity, maturity or the fruits of any meaningful life experience. But following the final purging of Scotch Marxism from Westminster it sounds positively archaic - and trite. A sad and grubby celebration of the negative, the literary (and not very literate) equivalent of sour grapes, rooted in the Marxist last gasp of 1997 and the awakening disbelief that your Party's spinning and lies were no longer to be believed. May I suggest that you accompany your sour grapes with a generous helping of hard cheese and a bottle of the finest Conservative schadenfreude, vintage 2010 (infinitely more palatable than Blue Nun) courtesy of yours truly.

Fortunately, cooler and more objective Labour heads prevailed. Your heckling, abusive and oh so tired kind of politics is perhaps best expressed by going to join the scruffy crowds of yoof Labour activists chanting "Tory scum" on the streets of London. I understand Fatbloke is there waiting for you with a two-man soviet-style banner to support. The pair of you will then be able to rival Laurel and Hardy in a heady mix of archaic political dogma and slapstick comedy.

Di-dum, di-dum, di-dum, di-dum, di-diddlee-dee .

Out, damn'd spot! out, I say!

At last the skid mark on the underpants of Britain has met the Persil of destiny

A "Car Crash" Labour Poster Campaign Launch

When you can't get your barrel scraping poster campaign right, it's time to accept those P45s...


h/t BBC


Wonderful!

"It wasnae ma fault" - The Prime Mentalist's Final Downfall

He's toast. Finally. The mendacious cat is out of the staged managed bag.

And even in this public revelation his revolting, self-centred, devoid of character and leadership, spineless common decency prevents him forever admitting he was wrong. Oh no, it's always someone else's fault:

The offending unintended live broadcast:

"Ugh everything! She's just a sort of bigoted woman that said she used to be Labour. I mean it's just ridiculous. I don't know why Sue brought her up towards me"

Denials:

"Of course I apologise if I've said anything that's been offensive..."

If?!!? If!?!?!? You mendacious, rictus grinning imbecile.

"but you've got to remember that this was me being helpful to the broadcasters, with my microphone on, ..."

It wasnae ma fault...FFS!

"...and they [broadcasters] have chosen to play my private conversation."

It wasnae me, it was those nasty media types.


And the last word from the Prince of Darkness:

"It is very unfortunate that this remark that he didn't believe got picked up. But he should be judged on how he responded. And that's why he apologised immediately."

Quite, my Dark Lord. So, good riddance Brown, you are the worst Prime Mentalist the nation has had the misfortune of knowing.

Anyone But Gordon

Brilliant piece of video by G.O.T

The "Presidential" Debate

Stifled. Saccharine. Staged.

A bit of an anticlimax and a bit dreary. I hope they spice the remaining shows up a little: perhaps let the audience cheer and boo and possibly even throw things.

Alistair Stewart tried to emulate a pre-emptive multitasking protocol and ended up stopping the natural flow of the debate somewhat. This riled Brown at various points whose preferred debating tactics include interruption, continuing after the allotted time and head-shaking.

Cleggy came across as the most natural, spoke into the camera and cleverly listed all the audience member’s names in his closing speech. A media masterclass although one criticism was that the “try us, not the old lot” wore thin towards the end. Also, I wondered whether Cleggy had recently bought some shares in a northern steel making company as he kept mentioning Sheffield every time he spoke.

Cameron came across quite statesmanlike, like a premier-in-waiting. No PMQs style anger at Brown which was a pity. I noticed his body language was effectively closing Brown off whenever he spoke. I wonder whether he was briefed not to get angry this time, although it would be great if the final session at the BBC, the subject header being “The Economy”, Cameron will get the green light and let rip into Brown. Now that would be some great entertainment.

Brown. Good grief. He just can’t get enough tractor stats and anti-Tory rhetoric in fast enough. His body language is awful: the glaring at Cameron, the shaking of his head, the constant interruption of Cameron whenever he spoke, his pre-briefed clichéd jokes about Ashcroft, his “I agree with Cleggy” nonsense, the whole Brown package is a liability and Campbell and The Prince of Darkness must be scratching their scales wondering what they can do with this car wreck of a persona.

Overall Cleggy had the most to gain and the boy done good, as predicted by Guido.

Cameron had the most to lose and managed to play safe. Too safe if I had to be honest. Initially he looked a little "rabbit in headlights" but made up for it by the better closing speech. Safe and statesmanlike.

Brown lost that one with a quite dismal, cringe worthy performance. He has a face for radio and a personality for hiding behind a deskful of Nokias. I’m afraid it’s no use the spin doctors saying Brown is serious about issues and prefers to get on with the job: this is the brave new media world where we expect our leaders to be media savvy and friendly and not look like autistic accountants with a severe case of haemorrhoids. It ain’t the 1940’s anymore. This is where the ovine populace will place a cross on the leader that looks and sounds the most like Simon Cowell.

Sad, but true.