Total Nutter Sparky

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Guido's PMQs LiveChat: Growth Week Edition

Thanks to Guido for hosting today's LiveChat where the window lickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs.  Bit of a dull one today with a few of the familiar plants coming from the Conservatives in much the same way as they did with Labour.

A brief Labour Parody of the Week from MARTIN DAY with: "SOMEONE PUT DAVID CAMERON OUT OF MISERY" which was a grammatically challenged putdown, as to be expected with Labour "prizes and consequently ignorance for all" education over the last 13 years or so.

The best line of the week returns to John Ward with a topical mention of an observation of the delectable Ms Berger:

"Lucy Arner is obvious the exception that proves the rule about Labour females being ugly."

Here are the highlights:-

Beware of Geeks: Morning Guido, morning fellow window lickers! Another PMQs, another set of Labour denials

Beware of Geeks: I can say with some sense of certainty that drinking homemade cherry brandy until 02:00am gives you a cracking hangover that only a midday vodka and tonic can cure!

Guido Fawkes: as does going out for lunch yesterday drinking through till four am

Labour bankrupted the UK: My tax bill is experiencing growth thanks to Labour.

Hugh Jardon: mr speaker..can I start by blowing my bloody nose. FFS!!

Beware of Geeks: Set nostrils to bunged Mr Sulu

Unemployed Tory: Ed Miliband needs Just For Men, it looks like he has a bird shit in his head

Dorian Smith: This week's Labour Trolls sponsored by RMT

Tuscan Tony: IS Ed wearing Sir Les Patterson'as teeth?

Dick the Prick: Get a f**king job?

Billy Bowden: Get a f**king job !!!!!!!

Billy Bowden: Snap Dick lol

Dick the Prick: Great minds Billy

Billy Bowden: Wouldnt go that far Dick lol

Urban Tory: Ed is poo

Tuscan Tony: Urban, is he a friend of Mark Oaten's?

Praguetory: Clegg's a 30 woman man.

ali: being questioned by Ed must be like being savaged by a sheep: unexpected and ultimately hilarious

John Ward: Munt is four-fifths of a Mount...

Tuscan Tony: Tessa and the Munters.

Spank Sinatra: Pickles set to explode

Beware of Geeks: Has Pickles got his own gravity field?

Tuscan Tony: Kate looks increasingly like Kevin Keegan

John Ward: Typical SNP SNIPing...

Dazza: I'm in Wales this week... should I worry?

Dr Bombastic: i'm in hospital this week - should I worry?????

Beware of Geeks: I'd like to see Luciana's burger

Tuscan Tony: Cheese or bacon BoG?

Dick the Prick: @BoG - Nicely roasted

Beware of Geeks: How can someone that beautiful (after a large vodka) be a Labour bod? Nature has some explaining

John Ward: Lucy Arner is obvious the exception that proves the rule about Labour females being ugly.

Praguetory: Luciana will have to provide relief for geeks herself

Nick2: Modest Nestegg? Liver damage on their 18th birthday, more like.

Tuscan Tony: What's she smuggling in that skirt?

John Ward: None eaten? I've eaten, just before PMQs!

Urban Tory: not everyone is as well preped as you John

Dick the Prick: @JW - yellow card

Spank Sinatra: She's just been shagged in the toilets [Emma Reynolds]

Brown got us Here!: Flelloatio!!

Tuscan Tony: Is Flellow his real name?

BillyBob.: she has eaten all the pies in Gateshead !!

John Ward: That jacket reminds me of some front garden paths...

Praguetory: What's she wearing - a harpoon

Dick the Prick: Whoa - step away from the pie

BillyBob.: she is using her full meal allowance methinks

Beware of Geeks: @BillyBob, and probably some of Prescott's emergency funds

Beware of Geeks: Bercow: "I have a short statement to make: my wife's a goer

Tuscan Tony: Hardly news Bog.

Guido's PMQs LiveChat: Axe Wednesday Edition

Thanks to Guido for hosting today's LiveChat where the window lickers gather for Wednesday's PMQs.  Red Ed starts to fluster in a remarkably similar way to MacMental: lots of "m-m-m-m-m-mr speaker" stuff and that dreadful nasal whining is starting to grate.  Dave was on good form, better than the other week but still lacks the "car crash PMQs" we've missed with the stammering, brooding MacMental.

Carlos is still MIA, Harman wasn't wearing her Giraffe Suit again and Dick Scratcher gave the very important Hain Pantone Reference: 819E (Tango Ember).

Looks like Red Ed was the winner in the Dodgy Tie of the Week.  Billy Blofeld said: "Tie error by Miliband. Gone for violet rather than regal purple".

Our Labour Parody of the Week was newbie Jimmy Jobby who said: "THE PUBLIC SECTOR IS THE ENGINE OF THE RECOVERY, OSBORNE DOES NOT UNDERSTAND THIS".  Well Jimmy, us business owners can assure you with that attitude the UK economy and any potential employees are completely safe as you have absolutely no idea how wealth creation works and would be incapable of running a business.

Best Line of the Week goes to Sarf of the River with a topical comment on an MP who looked remarkably like Mama Cass: 

She could do with a massive cut to her diet

Here's the rest of the highlights- enjoy!



Mitch: Looking forward to advice on tightening our belts from the millionaire chancellor


Trinny: BBC has a helicopter up to cover cuts. No concept of the word irony

Sarf of the River: I'm wetting my underwear here. I can't contain my excitement for much longer.

Dick Scratcher: I’d like to fill Laura K’s chamber.

John Ward: BBC camera direction "cut to the Bone!"

Billy Blofeld: Mithter, mithter speaker.....

Dick Scratcher: Birds**t Milliband Sponsored by Vicks Sinex Nasal Spray.

Roger Thornhill: "The Miliband Streak"

ChristianJMay: Oh dear, Ed Miliband is really struggling here. Plus he has Tip-Ex in his hair...

guidofawkes: Did Cast Iron Dave just say he'd freeze payments to the EU for 7 years?

Sarf of the River: The case about EU funding doesn't have to be made across Europe, it can be made in 5 minutes from Westminster. WTF are you on Dave?

Beware of Geeks: Red Ed does need to get that beak sorted

Billy Blofeld: Hush Puppy - crap joke. Miliband is losing it.....

torybear: Is he.. is he.. is he saying.. is he.. is he.. is he..

John Ward: Izzy? Izzy?

Steve Miliband: Bird s**ts on Shadow PM's hairs shock

joncraig: Great gag from Ed Miliband on Clarke part of "squeezed middle". Good gag from Cameron too about Ken having "bottom". Lively start!

Dick Scratcher: Pickles eating cow pie again.

Dorian Smith: Ed Milliband the master of student politics

Dick Scratcher: Ozzy learning his lines - all white & powdery

Roger Thornhill: Reminds me of Pit the Younger from Bladder II - Dish and Dishonesty

Urban Tory: Is it wrong that I am enjoying watching Ed die live on TV?

Dick Scratcher: Alan Johnson - fried egg eyes

Labour bankrupted the UK: Has Ed been taking lessons from Gordon for PMQs?

Dorian Smith: Today's Labour trolls are sponsored by Unite and The Union Modernisation Fund

John Ward: Yes, Dorian: the pink dinosaurs in the Unions :-)

politicshomeuk: Cameron: "I know it is a novel concept... but in this government the prime minister and the chancellor speak to each other"

Sofamonkey: Ed's ineptitude is difficult to watch, proper car crash TV

JULIAN BRAY sale edition: Can't wait Harrier Pilots being signed up by Ryanair... last question ...wasted so far

Unemployed Tory: PMQ's is sponsored by Top Gun today

Dick the Prick: UT - Iceman!

Unemployed Tory: I weeeeent tooooooo the Daaaaanger Zone

Public School Whipping: Enjoy the 15 years of opposition guys. You picked a real winner. For the Tories!!

Down with Brown!: Milliband couldn't have been much worse if he set himself on fire.

iaindale: So go on, my lefty friends, tell me now that Ed Miliband came out on top this week. Don't make me laugh

Dick Scratcher: FYI Rosie Winterton will be shagging Two Jags this aft in car park.

Dick Scratcher: Niallpaterson reminds me of that Gestapo officer in Where Eagles Dare.

Rats arse: Why are all Labour women so ugly?

Down with Brown!: Ed Milliband = Ed Moribund.

Sarf of the River: She could do with a massive cut to her diet

Beware of Geeks: I see the Mamas and Papas are still going

JULIAN BRAY sale edition: chilean mine shaft opening under ed miliband after todays performance....

Beware of Geeks: Tom Watson - who gorged all the pies?

Urban Tory: its two seats watson

Praguetory: Should Tom Watson employ his family?

Beware of Geeks: Should Tom Watson's family be protected from being gorged by the pie monster himself?

Roger Thornhill: Render TomW to lard and power a small town in Lincolnshire

John Ward: Tom Watson second only to Pickles in the girth measurement dept.

Billy Blofeld: Unemployment of Diversity Officers is a price worth paying

Beware of Geeks: You cannot attack a plan if you don't have a plan - quite right - liebour are an irrelevence

Dick Scratcher: Twigg seems like a nice boy

Praguetory: Twigg looks a bit like our generous host.

Urban Tory: I've never seen Guido and Twigg in the same room, hmmm

Brown got us Here!: Twigg lives at Albert Cock

JULIAN BRAY sale edition: Send in the Hoons.......

Dick the Prick: Faabricant looking bouffant

Hugh Jazz: the bbc have the knives out today- its like they're watching a different pmqs!

Beware of Geeks: I'm jealous of Selous's good looks

Billy Blofeld: Paul Whicker the Tall Vicar - an old Viz character - seems to be an MP now

Dick Scratcher: Glenoglaza = Italian window shine

More BBC bias

From the Spectator's Coffeehouse:

The MSM reporting of the cuts has been near-hysterical at times, and woefully lacking in any sense of balance. The BBC, in particular, has no excuse: it has an economics team and a mandate to be a public service broadcaster. Why did it make no mention of the other side of this coin? Is there a D-Notice on good economic news that we haven’t been told about?

Fraser Nelson

TV Licence

A post I did on Corrugated Soundbite's great blog:

I cancelled the telly tax sometime ago – I hardly watched TV as most of the stuff was abysmal, such as X-factor, Strictly Come Lap Dancing and other panem et circenses programs. As for the news, it was either sensationalised trivia, celebrity worship or in the case of the BBC, outright bias which had me reaching for the bendroflumethiazide.

If there are any programs I want to watch I either watch on demand or rent/buy the bluray DVDs. Being a geek, I have networked, using CAT6 cabling, the entire house and can stream media to any TV or PC in the house using NMTs.

Life is much better without TV, it’s more fulfilled and hours of your life are not simply wasted in silence watching angry soaps full of cliché repeating, angry chav-like actors. I like spending time reading debates on blogs, selecting online news from different countries for a wider perspective. Suddenly, news becomes more of a discussion than a one way stream of propaganda. It’s quite liberating.

Cancelling the licence is simple: one phone call, one cancelled direct debit, tear up the letters as they arrive and most importantly: one notice of “implied right of access denied for the following companies: Capita, TV Licensing and the BBC”.

The TV Licensing guy that eventually turned up at my place walked up my drive, read the notice, scratched his head, made a call on his mobile and went away, never to be seen again. And the letters suddenly stopped.

I know most people think you need a TV licence if you own a TV. That’s wrong, it’s any device used to receive live broadcast. You can use a laptop or a TV to view DVDs or other streamable material.

I know most people are worried that they may be caught. Put a notice up and ignore the TV Licence guys – they’re a private company and you can deny them right of access to your property. They are the ones infringing the law if they come up to your property.

They must obtain a warrant to enter your premises but they need to show the court proof that the occupier is watching live broadcast – this is an expensive route and if they have deceived the court in any way, they can be in big, big trouble both as an individual and a company. That is why warrants are extremely rare.

There are also no TV detector vans to catch you – they cross check their licence database with the address. The TV detector vans are empty hoaxes. No one to date has been prosecuted using a TV detector. Because they don’t exist, although the technology is feasible, it is cheaper for Capita to use the database and employ empty threats.

And there's absolutely no way they could stop me from watching live broadcasts using software on my PC using my network, should I choose to.

Like New Zealand, the licence fee will go eventually - it needs a critical mass of people to be aware of the above and then the cost of defending the licence fee becomes too great.

So, come on people, let's do it!

One for the Ladies

h/t Man Widdicombe

"Beyond the Crash" - a fantasy by Gordon McRuin

I see McMental's Hairy Potter and the one-eyed Prince fantasy novel is out on the amazon website for a bargain bucket price of £11.99.  I was about to close the browser in disinterest whereupon I spied some of the tag descriptions - hilarious - similar to the ones associated with Dolly Draper's novel.

Some of the highlights:

beware flying nokias
pissed the economy up the wall snotgobbler
sold gold at rockbottom price
worst prime minister ever
married to a beard
a rise of 0 percent
it started in america - honest
charisma bypass abolished boom and bust
rocking horse
nostril miner
i agree with nick
famous sociopaths
sad scotch hoon

Virtual Insanity

The Sun

I think this is quite a good idea, if not a little creepy.  Turning boarded up outlets and empty properties into virtual stores using large posters to depict an actual store.

However, the detail is in the economics: will the percentage of the £80 million regeneration plan have been better spent on reducing business leases and rates?

Guido's PMQs Highlights

Bah, I'm away tomorrow seeing some friends so I won't be doing Guido's PMQs Highlights.  It's a shame as I think tomorrow's session is going to be a rather lively one with Cameron vs Red Ed.

Optical Illusions

Via Stewart Cowan's great Real Street blog, I came across this illusion from the Daily Mail:

I love illusions and thought they cannot be the same.  I covered up the squares with pieces of paper and my hands and was still convinced they were different shades of grey.  However I cut out the squares from the image using Macromedia Fireworks and this is what I got:

Amazing isn't it?  If you don't believe me, try it yourself.

Don't always believe what your brain is telling you.