Friday, 30 April 2010

A "Car Crash" Labour Poster Campaign Launch



When you can't get your barrel scraping poster campaign right, it's time to accept those P45s...


h/t BBC


Wonderful!

Wednesday, 28 April 2010

"It wasnae ma fault" - The Prime Mentalist's Final Downfall




He's toast. Finally. The mendacious cat is out of the staged managed bag.

And even in this public revelation his revolting, self-centred, devoid of character and leadership, spineless common decency prevents him forever admitting he was wrong. Oh no, it's always someone else's fault:

The offending unintended live broadcast:

"Ugh everything! She's just a sort of bigoted woman that said she used to be Labour. I mean it's just ridiculous. I don't know why Sue brought her up towards me"

Denials:

"Of course I apologise if I've said anything that's been offensive..."

If?!!? If!?!?!? You mendacious, rictus grinning imbecile.

"but you've got to remember that this was me being helpful to the broadcasters, with my microphone on, ..."

It wasnae ma fault...FFS!

"...and they [broadcasters] have chosen to play my private conversation."

It wasnae me, it was those nasty media types.


And the last word from the Prince of Darkness:

"It is very unfortunate that this remark that he didn't believe got picked up. But he should be judged on how he responded. And that's why he apologised immediately."

Quite, my Dark Lord. So, good riddance Brown, you are the worst Prime Mentalist the nation has had the misfortune of knowing.

Sunday, 25 April 2010

Anyone But Gordon

Brilliant piece of video by G.O.T

Friday, 16 April 2010

The "Presidential" Debate


Stifled. Saccharine. Staged.

A bit of an anticlimax and a bit dreary. I hope they spice the remaining shows up a little: perhaps let the audience cheer and boo and possibly even throw things.

Alistair Stewart tried to emulate a pre-emptive multitasking protocol and ended up stopping the natural flow of the debate somewhat. This riled Brown at various points whose preferred debating tactics include interruption, continuing after the allotted time and head-shaking.

Cleggy came across as the most natural, spoke into the camera and cleverly listed all the audience member’s names in his closing speech. A media masterclass although one criticism was that the “try us, not the old lot” wore thin towards the end. Also, I wondered whether Cleggy had recently bought some shares in a northern steel making company as he kept mentioning Sheffield every time he spoke.

Cameron came across quite statesmanlike, like a premier-in-waiting. No PMQs style anger at Brown which was a pity. I noticed his body language was effectively closing Brown off whenever he spoke. I wonder whether he was briefed not to get angry this time, although it would be great if the final session at the BBC, the subject header being “The Economy”, Cameron will get the green light and let rip into Brown. Now that would be some great entertainment.

Brown. Good grief. He just can’t get enough tractor stats and anti-Tory rhetoric in fast enough. His body language is awful: the glaring at Cameron, the shaking of his head, the constant interruption of Cameron whenever he spoke, his pre-briefed clich├ęd jokes about Ashcroft, his “I agree with Cleggy” nonsense, the whole Brown package is a liability and Campbell and The Prince of Darkness must be scratching their scales wondering what they can do with this car wreck of a persona.

Overall Cleggy had the most to gain and the boy done good, as predicted by Guido.

Cameron had the most to lose and managed to play safe. Too safe if I had to be honest. Initially he looked a little "rabbit in headlights" but made up for it by the better closing speech. Safe and statesmanlike.

Brown lost that one with a quite dismal, cringe worthy performance. He has a face for radio and a personality for hiding behind a deskful of Nokias. I’m afraid it’s no use the spin doctors saying Brown is serious about issues and prefers to get on with the job: this is the brave new media world where we expect our leaders to be media savvy and friendly and not look like autistic accountants with a severe case of haemorrhoids. It ain’t the 1940’s anymore. This is where the ovine populace will place a cross on the leader that looks and sounds the most like Simon Cowell.

Sad, but true.

Wednesday, 7 April 2010

Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Missed all the banter on Guido's Live PMQs? Can't be arsed to trawl through pages of the windowlicking scribblings of the demented? Want to see the highlights in one easy to digest posting?


Well, welcome to the weekly Guido's PMQs Live - Highlights

Goodbye Gordon Edition

What's For Lunch Carlos?
.243 Win: Carlos MIA for two on the trot. Food poisoning ?

Theresa May Spacesuit Watch
.243 Win: Can you switch May off by saying "Clacton Barrackobama Nicotine" ?

Steve Expat: no spacesuit for Theresa today

Dick Scratcher: Theresa may in cleavage competition with Harperson

Beware of Geeks: Harriet Harman or Theresa cleavage? Only one way to find out....

Hain Pantone Watch
Dick Scratcher: Anyone got a Pantone ref for Brillo's face?

.243 Win: Dick : Appropriately enough Hain's the same colour as the background of the HazChem "Irritant" label...

Steve Expat: What's the difference in pantone between Hain and Blair...

Dick Scratcher: Hain Pantone Reference : 817 (Winton Carrot)

TeatherWatch
Beware of Geeks: Ooooh pixie Teather! Lovely in green - hi ho, hi ho, it's off for a BJ she goes

lord pont: teather looking like the jolly green giant's mutant dwarf sister

Liz: Sarah Teather is a touch Robin Hood today. I wonder if her boots are pointy.

.243 Win: Steve : LimpDum leprechaun - there's definitely a crock at the end of that rainbow.

Here come the Nice: Sarah's Tits are nicely teathered!!

Dodgy Tie of the Week
Beware of Geeks: Tie Watch - MacShane pink vote

BillyBob....: hmmmm lovely tie

.243 Win: ****. My telly just exploded. Who dressed him ?

Claw Watch
.243 Win: Here comes the claw....

Headsonpoles: claw

Beware of Geeks: CLAW!

JULIAN BRAY LET EM AVE IT: THE CLAW IS OUT

John Ward: Claw spotted!

.243 Win: It's claw time...

.243 Win: CLAW II

Labour Parody of the Week
THICK AS THIEVES: DAVID CAMERON LOOKS PISSED

Best Line of the Week
Charles Flaccidwidger: I think I'm going to miss Brown. Probably in the same way that I would miss a weekly visit to a proctologist.

Highlights
Dick Scratcher: Windy Miller latest: “Am glug-glug definitely f-f-f-f-****in voting for that f-f-f-f-****in Cameron Whuuuuargh. Jesus, it’s on me shoes. ****.”

Beware of Geeks: The Last of Broon today?

.243 Win: Gweeks : Doubt it - bugger's more persistent than herpes.

Dick Scratcher: Did that scene outside No. 10 yesterday remind anyone of the US ‘The Apprentice’ – a tit surrounded by sycophants?

Rocking Horse: You can't polish a turd but you can roll it in glitter ...

Old Holborn 4 MP: If I win Cambridge, I'll liven up PMQs alright

Steve Expat: Harperson with the pearl necklace today

Hugh Jardon: saggy shakers...brown not harpie. then again..

Old Holborn 4 MP: eric pickles should have to win two seats, the fat f***

John Ward: Huge beads around Hormone's neck: must be heavy!

.243 Win: NuLab's equivalent to Helen of Troy : It's the face that's shipped a thousand lunches

Mitch: why has Harmen got a string of olives on?

@Mitch - peace offering?

.243 Win: Brown already getting the words "Big Issue" out. How apt.

Old Holborn 4 MP: the boy kelly looks like a hairy FA cup

Dick Scratcher: Mandy wants more choppers (again)

Steve Expat: Blaming everyone but himself again

Dick the Prick: Colonel Toole - made up name?

Dick Scratcher: Lord Bollock-Brown more like

.243 Win: Increased flying time doesn't mean an increase in serviceability.

Phil Bristol: Don't labour look miserable

Lady Completely Gaga: and if the army don't like it they can vote me out....if they can find a ballot box.?

John Ward: Brown the "chopper chopper"!

Dick Scratcher: Can we have the Flintstones back on please? Fred has bigger rocks than Blair II.

markedman: Brown the pension snatcher

Old Holborn 4 MP: fire up the quattro

Dick Scratcher: Jim Murphy needs plugging in the mains for a re-charge

Charles Flaccidwidger: Hugh, anything to say about your Spitfire bonnet and Miss Garroway?

@torybear: "he's probably a tory now, so is half the country" pow. #pmqs

Kim Jong II: I like this Brown person

JULIAN BRAY LET EM AVE IT: TRACTORS AWAY

@torybear: RT @gabyhinsliff: labour frontbench looking like front pew at funeral. tories bushytailed as you like.

Minekiller: 2.5m new jobs…wheelie bin inspectors and litter facsists

Govt-By-Cluster-Fuck: fat bastard asking another fat bastard about hunger

Old Holborn: I hereby solemly promise, that should I be elected, I will personally twat Brown. With the ****ing Mace

JULIAN BRAY LET EM AVE IT: CLIMB EVERY MOUNTAIN FORD EVERY STREAM FOLLOW EVERY HEARTACHE SACK CHARLIE WHEEN..

Titanic: gordon is good at gardening, i'll give him that

Steve Expat: Titanic, is the gardening uphill?

ST: We should have turned this into a drinking game. Whenever the PM says Ashcroft down a shot.

JULIAN BRAY LET EM AVE IT: HARPERSON HAS WRONG BRA ON TODAY GOING LIKE THE POLLS,,,DOWNWARDS

Beware of Geeks: Is Goole a search engine for dyslexics?

JULIAN BRAY LET EM AVE IT: ITS NOT REAL ITS A FABRICANT

John Ward: Better a Fabricant than a Replicant.

Dick Scratcher: Wee Dougie keeps scratching his gonads - does he have crabs? Aberdeen crabs of course...

.243 Win: Mekon in da house.

John Ward: "Gord-hog Day".

Steve Expat: Time to fire up the quattro Dave

Tuesday, 6 April 2010

Saturday, 3 April 2010

Ein kleiner Witz

This little gem from An Englishman's Castle's archives tickled me:

The first time I saw a German woman, I thought she had Bob Marley in a headlock.